


Disconnected

by Xxobsessive



Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Romance, Tragedy, character's name spelled as Todo, lots of ranting from Misaki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 01:49:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13261077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xxobsessive/pseuds/Xxobsessive
Summary: After being together for nearly 4 long years, fate cruelly separates Misaki from his beloved Usagi-san. However, Misaki is determined not to let his love be in vain, and vows to do anything to get back together with Usagi-san, even if it means giving up everything else in his life that he holds dear.





	1. Chapter One

Chapter One

            Something was not right with Usagi-san.

            Well, Usagi-san is always weird, but this behavior is not normal! He’s actually _working_ and meeting his deadlines on time! He’s even been sleeping for 8 hours every night and hasn’t pulled any crazy all-nighters. He hasn’t put up a single fight with Aikawa-san or myself for almost a month now. A whole month! Something was seriously wrong!

            I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what could be going on, but I can’t think of a single decent explanation. He’s done this before when he was upset with me and once when he was planning to take me on a trip for my birthday. However this time it’s not my birthday and I know he’s not mad at me. He still talks to me and grabs me from time to time. We haven’t had sex as much, but that’s totally fine with me!

            It’s not that it’s such a bad thing that he’s been focusing so hard on his work. Aikawa-san, Isaka-san, and I all appreciate it very much! I just can’t help but get confused and worried. I hate not knowing what’s going on inside his head, especially if it has something to do with me. Lovers are supposed to tell each other everything, right?

            Well… I guess I have purposely kept things from him in the past, but that was a long time ago! I’ve grown since then! I now understand that keeping something to myself only hurts him more. He’s the one who taught me that. So why the hell is he keeping secrets then?! That jerk!

            I sigh loudly as I gather up my books on the table. It was impossible to concentrate, even if I was at the university library and not at the penthouse. I had planned to work some more on my senior thesis that I needed to complete in order to graduate, but that wasn’t happening. All I could think about was Usagi-san keeping secrets from me.

            How was I even so sure he was keeping secrets from me in the first place? Maybe he’s just really into his writing right now! Maybe he’s had a change of heart and this will become the new normal for him!

            Yeah, right. Like I could ever get that lucky.

            This strange behavior definitely won’t last, but there’s no telling when he’ll go back to normal. For all I know he could be back to procrastinating right now! Deep down, I do hope that he’ll go back to normal soon. Or at least tell me what the hell is going on inside his head!

            “Takahashi!” a familiar voice called from behind me as I was walking out of the library.

            I turned to see a very tall stack of books rushing towards me at an alarming speed. It’d be pretty awesome to die in an unusual way and leave behind a cool legacy, but being crushed to death by a stack of books nearly the same height as me is not the way I want to be remembered. That would be very pathetic.

            Luckily the mountain stopped just a couple feet in front of me, the top few books wobbling slightly. Impulsively, I reached my hands up and steadied them just as a face appeared from around the side of them.

            “Ah, Todo! You startled me!”

            “Oh, sorry! I called your name.”

            “I heard that. I just didn’t expect a stack of books to be coming towards me. I thought I was gonna die for a second!”

            He grinned wildly. “Death by book mountain? That’d be a pretty cool way to die!”

            “You mean awful! Oh, let me help you carry some of those.” I grabbed half of the books from his stack, which ended up still being tall and heavy. “There! Now I can actually see your face normally.”

            “Thanks! The demon Kamijou caught me texting during class and his punishment for me is a 10,000 word essay on modern day Japanese literature and how it compares to 19th and 20th century literature.”

            My face went pale just thinking about it. A 10,000 word essay for a 4th year college student with a graduation thesis to write seemed a bit harsh. Especially since he was just texting. I remembered having a class with professor Kamijou my first year of university. He threw things at students who weren’t paying attention during his lectures: books, pencils, chalk, chalkboard erasers, anything he could basically get his hands on. Probably whatever was closest to him at the time.

            “He gave me two weeks to do it, so it shouldn’t be so bad,” Todo explained. “At least it’s modern literature, written in modern Japanese. I can understand that much better than classical Japanese.” He paused for a second. “Hey, do you think manga counts as modern literature?”

            I couldn’t help but chuckle. “To professor Kamijou, I highly doubt it.”

            He shrugged. “Worth a shot, I guess.”

            We carried his books to the checkout desk. There were all sorts of old books and a couple textbooks on 21st century Japanese literature as a whole, but no actual present day books. How could he write an essay on them if he didn’t actually read some?

            “Hey, these are all old books,” I pointed out. “Don’t you need to read some new ones?”

            “Oh, yeah. I’ve got some at my apartment that I think could work for this essay. Although, I don’t read books very often.”

            He never seemed like the type to read anything other than manga, so it was a little surprising that he owned any real books at all. Maybe he was more well-rounded than I thought, which is more than I can say for myself. The only books I’ve ever read that weren’t for school work were Usagi-san’s. Some were even his stupid boy’s love novels that he keeps putting me in.

            Not that I had a choice on those! That pervert made me read them!

            Speaking of Usagi-san… I turned to the entrance of the library and looked at the giant cardboard stand promoting his newest novel (a normal one, thank god). I had noticed it when I first came in, but didn’t really pay much attention to it. It was the novel that he had finished just before his weird behavior started. I’m pretty sure both the manuscript and the final draft were both a little late. It kind of made me curious to see what it was about. Maybe something about writing this novel made him start meeting his deadlines on time? I wonder how much the stuff he had been working on recently differed from his previous works.

            Todo turned around as well with two giant bags filled with his books. “Oh, Usami-sensei has a new book out? Should I check that one out? It’s a modern novel.”

            We started heading out of the library and I shrugged. “I haven’t read it. I don’t even know what it’s about.”

            “He’s your landlord and you don’t read his books? Haven’t you heard anything about it from him?”

            “No, he’s usually pretty quiet about his work.”

            Except maybe his boy’s love novels. Sometimes he likes to put copies of them around where he knows I’ll find them. I know he wants me to read them and sometimes I’ll give in, just to see what horrible stuff he makes me do in them. Not that I was going to admit that to Todo!

            Lately, I had been wondering what Todo would think about me dating another man. Of course he’s my friend, but I don’t know everything about him, so I have no idea how he would react to something like that. If it were him, I’d be very surprised to find out he had a male lover. But I’d be supportive as well.

            Would I have been that way several years ago, before I met Usagi-san? Before I started dating a man, how did I think and feel? It’s almost too long ago to remember. I wasn’t prejudiced against gay people, but I probably wasn’t supportive of that lifestyle. I definitely thought it was wrong and something to be ashamed of.

            “So are you free right now?” Todo asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. “You wanna go grab a bite to eat?”

            I almost said yes, but for some reason, I just wanted to go home… and see Usagi-san.

            “Sorry, I can’t. I have to cook dinner tonight. That’s how I pay my rent, you know.”

            “Ah, right. You’re so lucky, Takahashi. Wish I could pay my rent that way.”

            My lips pulled upwards slightly. “Yeah. I guess I’m pretty lucky.”

            Yeah… things have definitely changed for me since meeting Usagi-san.

* * *

 

            I sat at my desk in my room, trying so hard to finish my thesis. It was close to being done, but I couldn’t seem to make myself stop thinking about a certain rabbit long enough to do much school work. The past week had passed by incredibly slowly. I had school and my part time job, but the rest of my free time was filled with nothingness. Usually, I’d get roped into some crazy antics that involved Usagi-san during those times. Or he’d at least be paying a lot of attention to me.

            Don’t get me wrong – I don’t like being smothered with attention all the time and I like my alone time. But a little over a month without my lover paying attention to me is too much! It was really starting to get to me. I wished I could read his mind and just know what was going on inside his head. Was he just hiding something from me? If he was, why was he doing it? What was so bad that he couldn’t tell me about it at all?

            His behavior was making me worry to the point where I was beginning to wonder if his feelings about me had changed. It was very depressing to think about how maybe… he doesn’t love me anymore.

            These thoughts had crossed my mind before, except it was a few years ago when the relationship was new and I didn’t know anything about having a lover. In fact, I was even in denial that we were even in a relationship at all. At that time, Usagi-san had slightly distanced himself from me because he was feeling insecure about my feelings. He didn’t know how I felt about him at all. Actually, I think he must have felt like I hated him with the way I acted all the time. Luckily, I was able to prove to him that I do love him and that was the end of that.

            Could it really be that again? There’s no way! He knows now that I love him and want to be with him. I’ve told him many times before that I want to stay with him. I even told him a while ago that I planned on telling my brother about us. Would I do that if I disliked him and didn’t want to stay with him?

            Maybe it had something to do with my brother? He could have said something about me moving out of Usagi-san’s place again. He had been mentioning it rather frequently since I started my final year of university. But it was weird that Usagi-san would let that bother him for an entire month. Did I need to reassure him that I really was going to tell my brother about us eventually?

            I couldn’t stop thinking about things and it was ruining my concentration at school, at work, and with my thesis. I even thought about it at night when I should be sleeping. Needless to say I was exhausted all the time lately.

            Glancing at the clock on my computer, I decided that it was time to give up for the night even though it was barely 10 pm. I was too tired and I had caught myself nearly dozing off a couple times in the past hour. It’d be fine. Not like my thesis was due the very next day. I still had a while to finish it and make any necessary changes. Hopefully Usagi-san would have some free time before the deadline to look over it for me too.

            My bed looked warm and cozy, but it also seemed very lonely. I had been sleeping mostly alone in my own bed since Usagi-san’s strange behavior had started. Sometimes I slept with him, but only if he asked me to or if we had just finished having sex. I couldn’t just get in bed with him or ask him if I could sleep with him. Not only did I not want to bother him when he was so busy, but that was also way too embarrassing! I used to put up a fight over sleeping with him, but now I really miss it. I guess I just missed him in general. He wouldn’t mind if I slept with him, would he? Besides, if he was worried about whether or not I liked him, this would help him see the truth.

            The desire to see him and sleep next to him won over my pride, and I got up to go ask if I could sleep with him for the night. Just as I was reaching for the doorknob, the door flew open right in front of my face. What startled me wasn’t the door swinging in front of me or it slamming into the wall, but the strange man standing in the hallway.

            The first thing I noticed was that he was clearly glaring at me. Why would he be so angry at me when I didn’t even know who he was? Beneath that angry look on his face, he was very good looking. Dark brown eyes and a chiseled face with some light stubble around his tight jawline. His hair was shaggy and nearly jet black. A large section of his bangs hung in between his eyes, nearly reaching the tip of his nose. The back of his hair was a bit shorter and I could see two large ear cuffs in the middle of his right ear. He looked… cool.

            The man scoffed at me. “Akihiko, don’t tell me this is who I think it is.” His voice was quite rugged and it made me notice how muscular he was.

            Usagi-san appeared behind him with a scowl on his face as well. “I said I’d take care of it eventually. You know how busy I’ve been lately.”

            “That’s no excuse!” The man snapped his head around to Usagi-san. I noticed that they were almost the same height, yet the stranger seemed to tower over him somehow. Maybe because he looked so mean and brutal. “It doesn’t take any of your time to tell the brat to get the hell out!”

            Was he talking about… me? Why? Did Usagi-san want me out of his house? What did I do? What do I do now?

            “Excuse me, but what are you talking about?” My voice was low. If I spoke up, then they would have clearly heard how shaken I was.

            Usagi-san ignored my question and kept talking to the other man. “I told you before that I can’t do that. I promised his brother that he could live here until he graduated from university. Where is he gonna go right now?”

            “Why should either of us care about something like that?!”

            It felt like my heart was going to burst right out of my chest. This man that I had never met before wanted me out of my lover’s house. But Usagi-san was telling him no, right? So, am I correct in assuming that means that he wants me to stay? Then why did this man want me to leave? What is his relationship with Usagi-san? This was all too much to take in when I had already been thinking non-stop.

            The stranger lunged at Usagi-san, grabbing his dress shirt collar with both hands. “Think about how I feel about this!” he yelled. “Of course I’m gonna hate it if some kid you were dating was still living with you! Especially when I’m not even living with you yet! I’m your lover, you bastard! How is that even fair? Get him out!”

            My heart stopped when I heard the word “lover.” I wanted to tell myself that I just misheard him, but there was no way. He said it clear as day. Bile rose up in my throat and I tried to swallow, but it felt like both my throat and mouth were full of rocks. This couldn’t be real. It had to be a stupid joke or a huge misunderstanding or something. I mean, Usagi-san loved me. We’ve been together for several years now – YEARS!

            “Umm…” I tried to speak but all I could let out were small gasps for breath. It was a little hard to breathe and I felt like I was drowning.

            Usagi-san sighed and pushed the man off of him. “Fine. I’ll make up some story to Takahiro if I have to.” He turned to me, his once loving violet eyes were now dull and didn’t seem to be look at me with affection anymore. “Misaki, you have to leave here. The sooner the better. You can go live with your brother and his family now. I promise they’ll welcome you with open arms.”

            My vision was beginning to blur with tears. “B-but… I…” Those were the only words I could seem to say at that point. The rocks in my mouth would not come out so that I could speak properly.

            “I should have told you sooner, and I’m sorry for that.” His voice did not sound apologetic at all. He just sounded annoyed. “I wanted to wait to try to explain this all to you when I felt like you could accept it. But that’s not possible anymore. Obviously, this is my new lover. We started dating nearly 2 months ago.”

            2 months… His weird behavior started a little over a month ago. His willingness to work a lot was all for this new guy. How much of that time when I assumed he was diligently working was spent with that guy? What about all the times I wasn’t home? He didn’t care about me… He didn’t even have the decency to end our relationship before jumping into a new one. He even had sex with me while cheating on me. I should have known. How did I not notice?

            A few tears slipped down my cheeks and the rocks all came tumbling out of my mouth. “I thought… that you… you lo-loved me.” Was that really my voice? It was so small and weak. Or maybe it was just too hard to hear over the pounding of my heart.

            “Things change. People change. In my case, I found someone better.” It felt like he was punching me in the gut with every word that came out of his mouth. “Someone more mature. Someone who’s not a bother. Someone who actually loves me.”

            If there was ever a time when I needed to reassure my feelings for Usagi-san out loud, it was now. If I could do that, then maybe he’d see the error in his ways and stay with me. Maybe he could love me again, just like he used to. I just needed to say those few simple words. I’ve said them before quite easily, so I knew I could say them again. In this circumstance, I absolutely needed to say them.

            Just as I opened my mouth to talk, the stranger threw his arms around Usagi-san with a huge smile on his face. Usagi-san smiled in return and the look in his eyes absolutely broke me. It was the same look he used to give me. Full of love. Full of life. Full of so many complex emotions that I only grew to experience being with him. It was then that it hit me that everything was over between us and there was nothing I could do to try to fix it.

            I closed my eyes to try to stop my head from spinning. The shock of this experience and the exhaustion I had already felt were too much for my body, causing my legs to shake and go weak. The only thing that I could think about anymore was how I should have told Usagi-san that I loved him more often. Then maybe this whole thing wouldn’t have happened.

            “Misaki,” he called to me and I felt a pang in my heart. How could he use that tone of voice to speak to me now, when he no longer cared? “Misaki?”

            I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder before falling to my knees, my eyes snapping open and a strangled breath leaving my aching chest. After blinking a few times in order to see clearly, I noticed I was sitting at my desk with my head down on my folded arms. Usagi-san was kneeling down beside me with his hand on my shoulder and a concerned look on his face.

            “Are you alright? Did you have a nightmare?”

            I was breathing heavily, almost panting, and my heart was still racing. I let out a long breath as I lifted my head up. There was no one else in the room and no one standing in the hallway. My computer was still on and my thesis was still pulled up, even though I specifically remembered turning off the computer before I was about to go to Usagi-san’s room. Did I really just dream about him finding a new lover? It felt way too… real. The heartbreak felt so real.

            “Y-yeah,” I finally said when I found it easier to breathe. “A nightmare…”

            Usagi-san let out a sigh of relief and moved his hand from my shoulder to my head, ruffling my hair. The familiar loving gesture was warm (even though his hands are always cold) and made my heart thump loudly before finally beginning to slow down to a normal rhythm. “You worried me for a minute when I heard you groaning in pain when I walked by your door. You were shaking like a dog when I came in here.”

            My face grew warm with embarrassment. “S-sorry.” I couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore, so I looked off to the side. How could I tell him that I dreamt about something like that?

            “Why are you apologizing?” I could only grunt in response. “It’s okay, Misaki. It was just a nightmare. Nothing about it was real. I promise.”

            His simple words reassured me and all the pain was instantly gone. How stupid… I felt like a little kid. A silly nightmare made me so hurt and insecure and all it took was a few words and a ruffle of my hair to make me feel better. I wasn’t some brat! I’m a 22 year old man about to graduate from university.

            “Misaki.”

            Just as I turned my eyes back to him, he moved his hand to my chin and pulled me in for a kiss. It surprised me, but his lips were so warm and comforting. It had been over a week since he last kissed me, so this kiss made my heart race like crazy again. I just hoped he couldn’t hear it. The way his lips moved against mine made my head spin and made me want more… like for him to touch me.

            When he finally pulled away, my breath caught in my chest. I opened my eyes to see a big smirk on his face. My cheeks were already hot, but I’m pretty sure I blushed even harder.

            “Still scared or do you feel safe now?” he teased.

            “Shut up, idiot!” I yelled at him, pulling away from his hand. “I’m not a kid!”

            “Yeah, yeah.” He finally stood up from his kneeling position. “Now come to bed. It’s one in the morning.”

            And just like a little kid, I followed him to his bedroom. His strong arms enveloped me like a security blanket for the rest of the night. Comforted and completely relaxed, I had no problems falling back to sleep. However, I did feel slightly guilty for having that dream and having such negative thoughts in the first place. How could I ever think that way? Deep down I know that Usagi-san’s feelings for me will never change.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

            Aikawa-san came by the next day to check out Usagi-san’s latest manuscript. Lately she was so happy all the time and always impressed with his work, especially his punctuality. It was nice to see her when she was in a good mood. Certainly much more pleasant than her being angry at and frustrated with the author and looking half dead from being exhausted because of said author. Her happiness always radiated off of her and into me.

            Plus, she usually brought delicious sweets for me. Today it was cream filled donuts with chocolate frosting on top. I could barely stop myself from eating the whole dozen in one sitting.

            The two of them sat in the living room for their morning meeting. Usagi-san was smoking while Aikawa-san was reading his manuscript, looking deep in thought as she concentrated. He had a satisfied look on his face, which made me very happy. As for me, I stood at the stove in the kitchen making omelets, since a certain rich man-child in the house had some strange obsession with eggs and how yellow they were.

            I was in such a great mood because of the night before. Sure, that nightmare had been terrifying and the heartbreak felt so real, but it was all imaginary. I was so stupidly and selfishly happy that Usagi-san had come to my side to pull me out of that dream and that he had stayed with me so I wouldn’t be scared anymore. It was all very childish of me, but I can admit that, even if it’s only to myself. Without him, I’m not sure I could have calmed down when I finally woke up from that nightmare. The pain would have become completely real.

            It was so nice to sleep in the same bed with him after almost two weeks of sleeping alone. It really helped reassure me that he was still in love with me. I think all my worrying about his behavior and if he still had the same feelings for me caused me to have that nightmare in the first place. Now I know better than to think that way.

            “Usagi-san, your breakfast is ready,” I called out as I finished putting his omelet and a bowl of rice on a plate.

            He quickly came into the kitchen and refilled his mug with strong black coffee. Despite recent events where he had developed a more regular sleeping routine, he had started drinking a lot more coffee. Sucking it down as if it were water. He told me that coffee helped fuel his brain and gave him lots of ideas for his writing. Maybe he was working so much because he kept drinking so much all the time. No matter the reason, it wasn’t very good for him to drink so much of it.

            “You know, you really should take better care of yourself,” I told him. “Drinking that much coffee isn’t healthy for you.”

            Despite what I said, he took a big sip from his mug right in front of my face. It had to have been very hot so I imagine that he just killed a lot of his taste buds. And he didn’t even flinch!

            “I need the coffee though. Or else how will I write anything? It’s my brain juice.”

            “I’m serious! One day you’ll just drop dead, you know.”

            A smug look appeared on his face. “Thank you for worrying about me, but I’m fine. It’s not like I’m passing out on you regularly anymore.”

            That was true. Since he started working more and actually developed better work habits, I hadn’t found him collapsed on the floor like I used to. Those were the times when he was pushing himself to meet deadlines and would pull all-nighters. Now he had been early with finishing his manuscripts and seemed to be getting enough sleep every night. He was taking better care of himself than I gave him credit for.

            The author reached out and ruffled my hair, making me slightly blush. “What’s the matter? Did that dream you had last night mess with your head?”

            I grunted and tried to jerk away from him. “Moron! I told you I’m not a kid!”

            I tried to turn away, partly because I wanted to make my breakfast and eat, and partly so he couldn’t see my embarrassment, which was always so clear on my face. But he was too fast, grabbing my arm and yanking me back. He set his coffee cup that was in his other hand down on the counter and reached out to my face. Out of habit, I squeezed my eyes shut tight as his long slender fingers caressed my chin. Suddenly his lips were against mine, making my heart thump and flutter.

            The kiss didn’t last long and I caught myself wishing that he was still kissing me once he pulled away. My eyes slowly opened to his warm face. He was looking at me with such a caring look, as if I was the most precious thing in the world to him. Full of life and love and passion. A look that he would never actually give to another person besides me in real life.

            I was suddenly brought back to reality and out of my girly thoughts when I heard a cough coming from the living room. I jumped, causing Usagi-san to jump away from me as well. Aikawa-san was right in the other room! Terrified, I turned toward the living room to see that her eyes were still glued to the thick stack of papers in her hand and she was sipping a glass of water.

            “It’s alright,” a deep voice whispered in my ear, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “She didn’t see us. She’s too engrossed in reading right now. We can do whatever we want.” At that, he licked the shell of my ear, making my whole body shiver.

            “Idiot, stop!” I hissed at him, trying to keep my voice down. “Aikawa-san is right there! And you need to eat!”

            He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind me and buried his face in the crook of my neck. “Just for a moment.” His breath was warm against my skin.

            I didn’t have the heart to push him off of me this time. Probably because I had been feeling lonely all month long without him constantly trying to attack me. Plus it was nice to receive affection to ease my mind after that dream I just had.

            Not that I’d ever tell him any of that! Or tell him about the dream. He’d never let me live it down! So embarrassing!

            With a heavy sigh, he finally pulled away from me. “I think she’s on the last page.” He picked up his plate and coffee mug and then leaned back in to quickly kiss my cheek. “Should I pick you up after classes today or do you have to work afterwards?”

            It had been a while since he had picked me up and we spent time together. Partly due to his work schedule lately and partly due to mine. The idea did sound wonderful.

            “What about your work?” I asked.

            No way in hell was I gonna tell him about how much I did want him to pick me up. Or how much I wanted to sit with him on the couch and just enjoy a lazy evening together. Or how much I wouldn’t mind going out for a nice date either. How badly I just wanted to be with him in general. I couldn’t tell him any of that. I would absolutely die.

            “Don’t worry. I’m doing just fine with work. Just ask Aikawa-san.”

            At the mention of her name, his editor stopped reading and looked at us. “Yes, Usami-sensei?”

            “Tell Misaki about how good of a job I’m doing with my manuscripts,” he said arrogantly as he walked back out the living room.

            Rather than be annoyed with his ego like I was, Aikawa-san was beaming. “Oh, yes! Sensei has been wonderful lately! Always finishing his manuscripts early and never complaining or giving me any trouble. He’s like a perfect little angel all of a sudden!”

            I groaned at the thought of Usagi-san with a golden halo on top of his head and a giant pair of white wings protruding from the back of one of his suits. I was much more used to the image of him with a pair of red devil horns on his head and a red spiked tail. Actually, _both_ of those fantasies were better than the idea that he was a prince. I never understood why people, mostly girls, would compare him to a prince. Sure, he had the money and the looks to be a prince, but definitely not the proper demeanor! Plus, he could hardly take care of himself, so it’d be impossible for him to rule over a kingdom.

            The editor breathed a dreamy sigh as Usagi-san sat down with his breakfast on the couch opposite of her. “Sensei, this novel is wonderful! Just a few minor things I’d like you to take a look at, but other than that it’s perfect!”

            He looked over at me with a look that screamed ‘I told you so’ and it slightly irritated me. After all these years sometimes I wonder how I’m still not used to his conceited personality.

            “Aikawa-san, are you sure you don’t want something to eat?” I asked as Usagi-san began to rudely eat in front of her.

            She smiled warmly at me. “No, thank you, Misaki-kun. I ate before I came. Although I’m sure your cooking is very delicious!”

            “Oh, no. It’s just average, that’s all.”

            “Oh don’t be so modest!” Usagi-san said with a mouth full of food. “You’re the best cook in Japan.”

            “Usagi-san, mind your manners!” I yelled at him. It was already rude enough that he was eating in front of her while she wasn’t eating, and now he had to speak with his mouth full. “You’re just like a child!”

            Aikawa-san giggled at our banter and I could see that crazy fangirl look in her eyes all the way from the kitchen. For a long time now I’ve wondered just how much she knows about us. Did she know that we were really lovers? Or was she clueless, just like my brother and sister-in-law?

            Part of me believed that she had no idea. I mean, she never really brought it up before, though I’m not sure why she would talk about it in the first place. She had to know, considering that Usagi-san used our names in his ridiculous boys’ love novels. She’s always asking me to do favors that involve him as well, like bringing his stuff to the office or that one time I had to show him what normal young adults do on proper dates. It was strange that she would ask someone who’s just supposed to be a tenant to do those sorts of things for him.

            Plus she had walked in on us in questionable positions in bed. I’m still trying to forget all those times that had happened.

            I wonder what she thinks about us dating. She loves boys’ love novels and she definitely acts like one of those crazy fangirls. But all of that is just fantasy. What does she think about those kinds of relationships in real life? Does she know that Usagi-san is gay? She has to know, since she’s known him for so many years now.

            I don’t know why I get so hung up on the two men dating part. There’s a lot of weird things about us that others probably don’t approve of. Like Usagi-san being 10 years older than me or how he’s rich and I’m just a commoner. A lot about our relationship is so taboo, so I’m afraid that no one can accept us.

            Not that everyone needs to accept us. Just… it would be nice to stop feeling so disgusted with myself over who I came to love.

            Some days I even find myself asking what my parents would think if they were still alive. I was only 8 years old when they died, so I have no idea what they thought about two people of the same sex being involved romantically. If I were to ask someone, I’m sure they’d say that my parents would just want me to be happy.

            The closest I can get to finding out would be by telling my brother. He’d be the most like my parents. However, I’m just way too scared to tell him still. I just don’t want to hurt him or disappoint him. After he gave up everything to raise me all by himself… I could never forgive myself.

            I quickly ate my breakfast so I could hurry up and get the dishes done before going off to classes. I wasn’t running super late, but I did sleep in just a bit longer than usual this morning. It was just so nice being next to Usagi-san in bed that I couldn’t bring myself to get up.

            Just like a child…

            The sounds of the running water and the clinking of the dishes made it impossible for me to hear what Usagi-san and Aikawa-san were talking about. Sometimes I overheard bits and pieces of their meetings, but usually none of it peaked my interests. It was impolite to eavesdrop anyway. I was just glad that they both looked so happy while they talked.

            Maybe this change, which I assumed would be temporary, would be best if it was actually permanent.

            Just as I had finished the dishes and was about to head upstairs to get changed and ready for classes, Aikawa-san began to gather up her stuff to leave. Anyone could tell that she was over the moon about their meeting and about the new novel. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time she looked so pleased with him and with his work.

            “Sensei, it’ll be absolutely perfect!” she exclaimed as she pulled her bag on her shoulder. “It’s a masterpiece! I think it’ll be your best work yet!”

            I walked up to the back of the couch that Usagi-san was still sitting on. “Another gay novel?” I whispered through clenched teeth behind him.

            “No, a regular one.”

            “Ah, that’s great, Usagi-san!” I switched back to talking at regular volume. “Maybe this one will win all kinds of awards too!”

            His editor’s eyes sparkled. “There’s no maybe about it! I guarantee it will, Misaki-kun! I truly believe that this novel will be sensei’s magnum opus!”

            Usagi-san turned his head towards me. “Oh, a magnum opus is a work of art that is – ”

            “I know what it means!” I interrupted with a frown. “Don’t treat me like an idiot!”

            “Oh, my bad. I didn’t know you had become a literary genius all of a sudden.”

            Fighting the urge to punch him in the back of the head, I switched my focus back to Aikawa-san. “Wow, that good? That’s incredible!”

            “I really think it will become the highest selling book I’ve ever helped publish!” She held her hands cupped over her heart as she talked. I think I saw physical stars gleaming in her eyes. “Think of all the awards and recognition! Marukawa is going to rise to stardom! All the best known authors are going to ask for me when they need an editor! Think of all that money. All that fame!”

            Usagi-san sighed and took a sip of his coffee. “You know I wrote it right? And as the writer, I will get most of the recognition.”

            “Shut up and let me dream.” She stared off into nothingness with her eyes still glazed over and her hands still on her chest.

            The author of her dreams turned back to me and gave me a soft smile. “Shall I drive you to school today since she’ll be leaving?”

            Before I could answer, the editor had another outburst. “Oh, Misaki-kun, Usami-sensei is such a genius! You know he’s been working on this novel for almost a year now, right? I think it’s the longest he’s ever worked on one! He’s such a genius at writing that he doesn’t need to spend much time on his novels, but he demanded that this one be perfect! I can’t even count how many times he’s rewritten the whole thing, let alone just different sections. I haven’t even had the heart to set a deadline for this one. I’ve just been letting him write and letting him choose when to publish it. I couldn’t be happier with how it’s turning out!”

            I just stood there in awe. I had no idea. To think that there was something he was so proud of that he spent that much time and energy on it was amazing. Most of his manuscripts only took a couple of months at most before he handed them over to her for editing. It was never sloppy work; he was just that good.

            But I think what shocked me the most was that I had no idea about it. We usually didn’t talk about his work (unless I was scolding him for not doing it), so of course I never have a clue what he’s writing. He’s always writing something, so how would I know that he had been working on the same project for almost a year? Plus he had written other works the entire time.

            I guess it just kind of hurt that he didn’t tell me about something that seemed so significant. It must not be very special to him. He used to act like his work was never very important, in a sense. At least that’s what it seemed like to me. Like he never told me about awards he was nominated for or had won. He acted like it didn’t matter how many fans he had or how much money he made. He never kept his deadlines and never seemed to care about them at all. He never talked to me about any of his regular novels.

            Boys’ love novels however are another story. He sure seemed to care a lot about those!

            “O-oh, really?” I finally answered. “That’s pretty amazing!”

            Aikawa-san practically skipped to the door as she kept muttering about how perfect Usagi-san’s novel was. It had been a long time since I had seen her so happy. Usually she was exhausted and so fed up with him that she was ready to strangle him.

            “I’ll get back to you really soon, Usami-sensei!” She quickly threw on her coat and shoes. “Oh, Isaka-san is going to be so thrilled!”

            With that, she let herself out and Usagi-san let out a huge sigh, clearly out of annoyance. I rolled my eyes, wondering how he could hate someone as nice as her. Sure she was a crazy boys’ love fangirl, but that could be overlooked. I can even get past the fact that she’s the one who requests the perverted stuff in his boys’ love novels that involve me. Just because she’s so nice to me.

            Usagi-san stood up and stretched his arms over his head. “Go get ready for school. I’ll drive you in.”

            Just as I was about to head upstairs to change, I was once again interrupted. I was starting to think that I was never going to be able to leave. This time, it was by the door clicking back open. Aikawa-san rushed back into the entryway with a huge smile still plastered on her face.

            “Sorry, sensei, I almost forgot to mention! All of the directors have approved of your month vacation in a few weeks as long as all of your work is completed. With the way you’ve been working recently, I know all of it will be! Just hang in there! I’ll get back to you soon!”

            “A month vacation?” I questioned as she left again. “You mean you’re not going to work a whole month?”

            “Yeah,” Usagi-san said as he started to walk towards the kitchen with his empty coffee mug. I noticed that his voice seemed a little annoyed for some reason. “I just decided it was time for a little break.”

            “Wow! That’s great, Usagi-san! I bet you’re excited.”

            He only grunted in reply as he dropped the dish in the sink. He didn’t seem too enthusiastic about it at the moment, but he still had some time and several projects to finish before he could think about his time off yet. I wondered what he was planning to do with all that free time. He was always so busy, so it was hard to imagine.

            As I walked upstairs to my room, a big smile spread across my face. Of course I was happy that Usagi-san was finally getting a break. He hadn’t had an extended break in the nearly 4 years we had been together. Maybe he’d never even had one at all. But mostly I was glad that things were finally starting to make sense.

            The reason for his weird behavior lately was because he had a lot of work to catch up on before his vacation and because he was enjoying writing his next big novel. It made perfect sense now! Why the hell was I so worried? That pretty stupid of me!

            A whole month off… and even during Christmas! Maybe we could spend some time together. Secretly I hoped that spending time with me was one of the major reasons for him taking some time off from work. Going off of previous experiences, I suspected that he would want to go somewhere together for a few days.

            I’d never admit it to him, but I honestly thought that spending some time with him, just the two of us, sounded fun and relaxing. The fact that his month off lined up exactly with my winter break from school was too perfect. He had to have done it on purpose for a reason.

            I had wanted to ask him more about his vacation and if he planned it that way, but he seemed a little irritated and distracted the whole drive to Mitsuhashi university, so neither of us talked much. He was probably just tired after his meeting with Aikawa-san. I just brushed it off and went to class.

            Now that I knew that Usagi-san was working so diligently because he was preparing for an extended vacation, I felt that I could finally relax for the first time in a little over a month. Finally, I didn’t have to worry about him or worry about our relationship. It was all going to be okay.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

            Just knowing the reason behind Usagi-san’s improved work ethic and overall habits was very reassuring. For the first time in a while, I could concentrate in my classes and at work. My spirits had been lifted and I wondered if the people around me could tell that my attitude had gone back to normal.

            No more worrying about whether he was mad at me or not. Or if he was just planning on kidnapping me again. Or if he himself had been taken and was replaced with a double that looked just like him.

            The last silly theory only crossed my mind once, but I decided it would be incredibly foolish of a stand-in to get intimate with another man he didn’t even really know. So I knew that one couldn’t be true.

            And most importantly, no more anxiety wondering if he still loved me. That thought killed me more than anything. After all, I’m not sure I could live without Usagi-san. It hurt to even think about losing him.

            All these thoughts and feelings I have… would I ever have the courage or the confidence to say them out loud to him? Probably not in this lifetime.

            It was a day when I didn’t have to go to my part time job, so after classes I went to the library. I only had to do one more section for my final thesis. Then I could have Usagi-san read through it and help me make any necessary changes. There was no doubt that there would be a lot to correct. Thankfully, I was dating a literary genius.

            I went through all of my sources and wrote a couple paragraphs before my phone began to vibrate inside my pocket. Assuming it was Usagi-san, I ignored it and went back to writing. It was just two short buzzes, meaning it was just a text message. He could wait until I was at a good stopping point.

            After a minutes, my phone vibrated twice again. Then the same pattern again just a few moments later. I knew that my lover wasn’t the type to double text, let alone triple text. So it couldn’t have been him after all. Whoever it was must have been desperate to get in touch with me. Why didn’t they just call?

            I gave up on writing and pulled the phone out of my pocket. The screen showed that I had three messages from Todo. Certainly he’d understand if I didn’t message him back right away because I was doing school work. But I was curious and opened the message thread anyway.

            Todo (4:37 pm): SOS!! I need your help!!

            Todo (4:41 pm): Takahashi please tell me you’re not working right now! I NEED YOU!!

            Todo (4:42 pm): Please call me when you get this message!

            Scattered throughout the texts were random emojis, which he was known for overusing for some reason.

            Sensing the urgency in his words and emojis, I quickly gathered up all of my materials and left the library. I found a quiet little area underneath a tree outside and tapped on Todo’s contact picture to call him. It barely even rang once before he picked up the call.

            “Oh, Takahashi! Thank god! You’re not at work, are you?”

            “No, I’m not. Sorry I didn’t answer right away. I was working on my thesis. Everything okay?”

            “I am freaking out!” There was a loud bang in the background, making me jerk the phone away from my ear. “Kamijou-sensei really has it in for me! He hated the essay I wrote for him and turned in last week and he said I needed to write a new one!”

            “Wow. Another 10,000 words?”

            Todo sighed. “Yeah. Except this time I actually have to interview an author!”

            Already I could guess why he was asking me for help. “Really? Why would he want you to do something like that?”

            “I don’t think he liked what I had to say about modern literature in my first paper. I, uh… wrote about how it probably didn’t require much talent to write some mediocre fictional story.”

            A strong sense of déjà vu came over me as I remembered the first time I met Usagi-san’s older brother. He had criticized his brother’s writing so harshly without even having read any of his books. I became so mad because he had no idea how hard Usagi-san worked and just how captivating his words were to readers. Even a simpleton like me could see just how challenging writing could be.

            Todo’s words also reminded me of myself years ago. I had respect for authors, especially manga artists, and knew that they worked hard, but I truly had no idea until I started living with Usagi-san. Not only was the lifestyle incredibly demanding, but it became clear just how much talent someone had to have in order to write a book that thousands and thousands of readers would enjoy. I realized I could never do it. I mean, I could barely get a D in Japanese.

            I leaned my back against the truck of the tree and slightly chuckled. “Well, I can understand why he’d be angry. He loves books, you know. Besides, writers work very hard. It’s not a cake walk like some people seem to think.”

            “Well, I feel like I could write a hit novel,” he said before another banging noise made my ears ring. “Anyway, sensei told me to call a few of the publishing companies in Tokyo and see if any of them could get me an interview with an author. He said it shouldn’t be too hard around this time of year when many students are trying to figure out what career to go into. So since you work at Marukawa, I thought you might be able to talk to someone for me!”

            That was not what I thought he was going to ask me. I thought for sure he’d ask me to see if he could interview Usagi-san. Maybe he didn’t want to write a paper on him and had another writer in mind.

            “Oh, um, did you have someone in mind who you’d like to write a paper on?”

            “Hmm… I don’t really care who.” The high pitched banging that I had heard in the background several times before became a thudding sound, like heavy footsteps. “I think any author will do! Too bad a manga artist doesn’t count.” He sighed, almost dreamily. “I’d love to get to talk with Ijuuin-sensei again!”

            I would have to disagree with him. Ijuuin-sensei was a great artist and I loved his manga, but he was strange and a bit of a pushy person. The less time around him the better.

            “Well then, I’ll ask around and see if one of the directors can set something up. Maybe they do have some sort of program for students who want to be writers, like an internship or something. That would be a good experience to write about.”

            Todo was silent for a moment as another thud came through the speaker. “Man, Takahashi, you’re really saving my ass here! Thank you so much! I don’t know what I can do to repay you.”

            I smiled warmly, even though he couldn’t see it. “Hey, what are friends for, right? I’m sure you’d do the same for me.”

            “Absolutely, my friend! But listen, I better go and warm up. I’m at kendo club right now. Everyone else has been practicing this whole time.” So that explained the crazy banging and thudding noises in the background. “Let’s get lunch together sometime this week, okay?”

            “Sounds great! Bye.”

            “See you!”

            Just before he hung up I could hear a man yelling at him about getting to practice before the lesson. Since he was an aspiring police officer, Todo had to be trained in both kendo and judo. He had kendo club several days a week on top of university courses and his part time job. He was definitely a hard worker.

            Noticing that it was just after 5 pm, I decided not to go back to the library. I had already packed up all of my stuff. It’d be pointless to get everything back out for just a bit longer than just pack it all up again. Instead, I chose to go home and fix dinner.

            Usagi-san wasn’t there when I got home, so I just got to work on cooking dinner. I tried to pick some stuff that I hadn’t cooked in a while, hoping it would make him happy. He was at a meeting at Marukawa, possibly for that novel he had been working on for a whole year, and those meetings always put him in a bad mood.

            It wasn’t until 6:30 when he finally walked in the door, 20 minutes later than I expected him to get home for a meeting that was supposed to end at 6. He always rushed out as soon as those kinds of things were over, despite protests from directors or his editor. The meeting must have run way over, so I thought for sure he would be angry.

            “I’m home,” he called out, not a hint of agitation or fatigue in his voice.

            “Welcome home. Did your meeting run late?”

            “Oh, no, not really.” He walked into the kitchen looking completely normal. No sign of anger or frustration in his body language. “I just caught up with some business with Isaka-san is all.”

            Even though I knew he had turned over a new leaf with his work (albeit possibly just for a short period of time), it was still strange to see these behaviors with my own eyes. But it was pretty nice and part of me wanted him to stay this way.

            “O-oh, is that so?” I stumbled just trying to talk because of how surprised I was. “I see.”

            He slithered up behind me, in a way that would have startled me if I hadn’t known he was right there, and snaked his arms around me. His body heat permeated my back and neck. I could smell a hint of tobacco as his breath ghosted across my neck and cheek. He gave my waist a small squeeze and I had to tightly grip the large spoon I was using to stir some soup so that I wouldn’t drop it completely in.

            At least this part of him hadn’t completely changed.

            “Oi, watch it!” I scolded him.

            “Are you jeal-ous?” he asked, over-enunciating the word _jealous_ just to tease me even more.

            “Jealous of who? What?”

            “Isaka-san. Because I gave him 15 minutes of my time that could have been spent with you. I’m so sorry.”

            I scoffed at him. “Don’t be stupid! Besides, it’s your work. That’s what you’re supposed to do. Now can you get the table set up? I’m almost done with dinner.”

            He clicked his tongue and sucked his teeth in annoyance, but he still released me. “Damn. And here I thought you’d be proud of how hard I’ve been working lately.”

            My mouth opened to say something as he turned away, but I was too embarrassed to say it.

            _I am proud of you, Usagi-san._

            I really was. He was doing so well, even if it would be just for a short period of time. If he goes back to that same old Usagi-san after his time off, I’d still be proud of him. He was a highly decorated author that so many people loved (his work, maybe not so much him) and he always worked very hard, even when he procrastinated. How could I not be proud of him?

            But how could I say all that embarrassing stuff right to his face without dying from humiliation? Maybe he could do that, but I couldn’t!

            He set up the table like I asked him to without further complaint. It felt like I was never going to get used to his new personality. I was waiting anxiously for him to pull another switch, like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde kind of situation. It was probably just as easy for him as turning on a light switch. Maybe after his vacation he would switch back and it would be like this whole situation had never happened.

            I heard the clinking of glass and turned to see him getting out wine glasses. “Usagi-san, what are you doing?”

            “Don’t you want a nice glass of wine with dinner tonight?” he asked with a small smirk on his face.

            Immediately I was reminded of the few times he had forced me to drink wine and I woke up in completely random places.

            “No way! Absolutely not!”

            “Aww, come on! Live a little! Just one glass won’t hurt.”

            “There’s no such thing as just one glass with you,” I said as I turned off all of the burners on the stove. “I don’t wanna pass out just to have you kidnap me again.”

            Obviously he wasn’t listening to me at all since he was already reaching above the cabinets to grab a bottle of wine. “Again? When did that even happen once?”

            “You’ve done it like 10 times now!”

            “Wow. You’re greatly over exaggerating. I think it was only twice.”

            “You shouldn’t kidnap people at all!”

            He didn’t make another comeback right away, so I began taking the food out to the table. My face flamed up instantly when I saw that he had set up places for us right next to each other instead of across the table. That and wanting to have wine with dinner. What the hell was that rabbit planning?!

            A bottle of uncorked wine was suddenly thrust under my nose. “Mm, doesn’t it smell delightful?”

            This crazy pervert will be the death of me.

            But I’d be lying if I said that a nice glass of wine didn’t sound good, especially after the stressful month I had worrying needlessly about him and our relationship.

            I sighed. “Alright, fine. Just one glass.” He started to grin before I interrupted again. “But no kidnapping me this time!”

            He started pouring the red wine into the glasses. “Oh, I would never!”

            A small noise escaped my throat that was reminiscent of a growl or a snarl. “You liar!”

            As I went back to the kitchen to grab the rest of the food, I could hear him humming to himself. Very suspicious. He was definitely planning something very dangerous. I had to make 100% sure that I wouldn’t let him talk me into drinking more than one glass.

            “Why can’t I do nice things for you every once in a while?” he asked when I came back to the table. He didn’t sound upset about it or anything. It was more like he was trying to convince me of something.

            I moved a plate, a bowl, and set of chopsticks so that it was placed across from the other set and sat down in that spot. “How is kidnapping me doing something nice for me?”

            He set one glass of wine down next to my spot then made a big deal out of serving me the other glass, like a fancy waiter. The suit he still wore made him seem like an elegant party host serving his guest. Except I know better. Usami Akihiko didn’t do parties. Not willingly.

            “I just wanted to take you to some nice places,” he said as he moved his dishes and chopsticks next to my spot, undoing what I had tried to do by moving my spot in the first place. “But you’re too stubborn and won’t just let me take you. So I had to improvise.”

            Is that what he calls it? Because every other sane person would call it illegal.

            He sat down beside me and held up his glass as if he was waiting for something. “Come on! Just let me do stuff for you once in a while.”

            “You already do. Too much, if you ask me.”

            “No, not enough. So let’s toast to that, shall we?”

            I ignored his glass that was still held up and started putting some food on my plate. “No. I don’t need you to spoil me, Usagi-san.”

            “But I _want_ to. There’s nothing wrong with letting your boyfriend spoil you, Mi-sa-ki.”

            The enunciation of the syllables of my name made my heart skip a beat and I tried not to blush, but I’m sure I failed, as usual. Something about him doing that in his low, husky voice made me shiver. It reminded me of passionate nights with him. He liked to do that to me to try to push me over the edge. Truth be told, it sometimes worked if I was already that close.

            He finally gave up on me clinking glasses with him once I started actually eating without him. With a deep sigh, obviously faked for dramatic effect, he started getting food on his plate as well. That wouldn’t be the end though. I knew he wouldn’t give up until I caved in. That was just the game he liked to play.

            “It’s alright to be selfish, you know,” he finally said after a few minutes of eating in silence. “I told you a long time ago to be selfish around me.”

            Immediately I was reminded of the trip to Sapporo not too long after we had started dating. He was picking me up from Osaka where I had been visiting my brother and his wife. We hadn’t gotten into an actual fight, but things were kind of awkward between us. My brother had probably said some weird things to him since he started carrying on about being a warm, happy family and being selfish with him.

            “You’re allowed to ask for things from me besides help with your school work,” he continued. “You’re allowed to be happy when I do something for you and you can greedily accept the gifts I buy you.”

            I rolled my eyes and stabbed a piece of meat so hard that the chopstick nearly broke in half. “No, I can’t do any of that, Usagi-san. I can’t be a spoiled brat for the rest of my life. I’m an adult now and I have to start acting like one. The gifts, the trips, all the money you try to give me. I can’t accept any of it.”

            A while ago I had already made up my mind that I was going to stay in the penthouse with Usagi-san instead of moving out on my own. Even though it’s what I want, it still ate me up inside and even still does to this day. I need to be a responsible adult who has a rent or a mortgage, pays bills, buys groceries, etc. By staying with him, I don’t have to use any of my own income for any of that since he takes care of it all. I know that by staying with him and letting this pattern continue. I won’t know what it’s like to be an adult member of society.

            But even so… I can’t bear to leave his side like that.

            So I’m going to have to find other ways to grow up. I’ll graduate college and start my career as an editor at Marukawa Books. I won’t accept any more gifts from Usagi-san, including trips with him. In fact, _I’ll_ be the one buying him all sorts of presents, paying for him to go places with me, and forcing money on him.

            He doesn’t know about any of this yet, but he’ll come to find out soon enough. And I’ll make him very happy and proud.

            “Misaki.”

            His hand suddenly grabbed mine, causing me to flinch in surprise and drop my chopsticks on the plate. At first I purposely avoided looking at him, not wanting to know what sort of expression he was wearing. But he remained silent and kept squeezing my hand. Finally, I gazed over at him. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what emotions he held in his violet eyes.

            “I take you places and buy you gifts because you’re my boyfriend.”

            My face flushed and I tried to yank my hand away. “S-stop saying _boyfriend_!”

            “Because I love you.”

            I stopped struggling as soon as those words hit my ears. It had been a long time since he had said that to me. He used to say it so much that it pissed me off. However, not hearing those words frequently for a month and a half actually got under my skin more than I would ever admit to anyone. Especially when I was worried if he actually still did love me or not. Hearing him finally say it again sent a chill down my spine. My chest quickly filled with a familiar warm and fuzzy feeling.

            It still pissed me the hell off.

            “Part of having a lover means wanting to do things for them and wanting to buy things for that person. I don’t take you on trips or buy you presents to spoil you because I think you’re not grown up enough to buy those things on your own. I want to spoil you as my lover. I do it so that you can be happy or so that we can spend time together. It makes me feel good to do stuff like that for you. It makes me feel good when you’re happy.” He let go of my hand and picked up his own chopsticks again. “So, just keep that in mind. I’d really like for you to be selfish sometimes.”

            Silence surrounded us once again, except for the sounds of Usagi-san eating. I didn’t continue to eat, but just sat there deep in thought instead.

            What he said was a real eye opener. All this time I viewed his doting on me from the perspective of just a regular person. It was annoying to me because I thought he was treating me like a child. I spent too much time thinking about what others would think if they knew about him buying me gifts or taking me on trips, especially if they didn’t know that we were dating. In reality, he was never treating me like a child who couldn’t afford things like an adult. He was treating me like a lover. And I never once thought of it through that perspective.

            Of course he’d want to do things for his lover to make them happy. Isn’t that what all lovers do? I do stuff for him as his lover as well, like the housework and cooking his favorite dishes. Plus I had made the commitment to buy him more presents and pay for him on trips once I began my real job. Not because he couldn’t do those things himself, but because I want to make him happy.

            Another problem that he probably didn’t even realize was that he was always too overboard with the things he tried to do for me or buy for me. Everything was always so expensive when it didn’t need to be. Just because he was rich didn’t mean he had to buy me such expensive things or take me places that cost so much money. Not only was it uncomfortable for me as a commoner, but it also made me feel bad. I didn’t want to be the reason for him going broke one day because he was bad about saving his money.

            And it’s so embarrassing as a man to have someone doting over me all the time like he does. A man should be the one lavishing his girlfriend with gifts and whatnot, not the other way around and certainly not with another man instead. So it was kind of hurtful to my pride.

            We had been together for nearly 4 years, but it was still hard to get used to it sometimes. Not only was being in a relationship with another man so different from straight romances that I had seen on TV or read in manga, but there were also issues with the man in question as well.

            To be blunt about it, Usagi-san is not at all normal like I am.

            Yet… I love him.

            I love him enough to do anything to make him happy.

            “Um, Usagi-san?” I said, finally breaking the silence.

            “Yes?” He continued eating, not looking directly at me.

            “There is s-something I’d like to ask you for, actually.”

            A small smile played on his lips. Either he was happy that I was going to ask something from him selfishly or he was happy that he had won his stupid little game. Maybe both.

            “And that is?” His eyes sparkled as he finally looked up at me.

            “I’d like for you to set up a small interview with Todo for an essay he has to write for a class.”

            His smirk was wiped clean off his face faster than I had ever seen before and it nearly made me laugh out loud. He had technically won his game, but not quite in the way he had imagined. That favor was the only thing I could think of at that time. I wasn’t used to asking for selfish things (even being selfish for the sake of another person was weird to me), but this was a start. Maybe I would ask him for more things for myself later.

            He softly smiled and sighed. “Geez. I honestly should have expected something like this from you. Even when I tell you to be selfish with me, you’re still solicitous for someone else.”

            “Please, Usagi-san. If you’re not too busy, I mean. He really needs to do this project and get a good grade on it.”

            I almost promised him that I’d ask for something for myself later, but I felt like that’d be digging my own grave. He’d either push me before I was ready or rope me into something really embarrassing. I’ll just let it be a surprise for another day.

            “Alright. I’ll do it.”

            I couldn’t help but grin. “Really, Usagi-san? Thank you so much! He’ll be so happy! I’ll ask him when he can meet and we’ll get something set up!”

            We both reached for our wine glasses and I finally toasted with him. The wine was delicious, no doubt expensive. Of course it went straight to my head and I ended up having 3 more glasses, even though I had promised myself I wasn’t going to have more than one. Luckily, I didn’t wake up in some foreign place the next morning.

            Instead, I just woke up in Usagi-san’s bed completely naked and with a slight hangover. He laid there beside me, also naked, but looking very happy.

            It really was a shame that I didn’t remember our last romantic night together.

            If I would have known that it would be one of the last nights with him, I wouldn’t have drank so much, if any at all. I would have asked for something a lot more selfish and actually for myself.

            If only I had known…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to pop in and say that I've seen all the theories some of my readers have for how this story is going. And so far no one has been correct in guessing what is going to happen! I think you'll all be very surprised and I can't wait for you all to read it! Next chapter is when things are going to start getting really good! :) :)


	4. Chapter Four

            I met Todo for lunch the next day and explained to him that Usagi-san was willing to meet up with him to talk about his work for the paper. He seemed pretty excited to be able to meet with a “highly dignified sensei” as he put it. If only more people knew the truth about that lazy pervert. Then maybe they wouldn’t think so highly of him all the time.

            Even though I knew that Kamijou-sensei was childhood friends with Usagi-san, I didn’t mention that fact to Todo. I didn’t want him to back out of the meet up just because they had a history together. Somehow I didn’t think that Kamijou-sensei would mind too much. Besides, since he is a literature professor, he’s probably friends with a lot of other writers too.

            Todo asked if I could be with them during the interview so that it would be a little less awkward for him and I agreed. It would be very weird to be alone with some famous author that he didn’t even personally know. I would know because that had happened to me a long time ago and it was indeed incredibly weird and awkward.

            The first time I met Usagi-san I was creeped out because he was hanging all over my brother. I knew from the moment I saw that scene that he had a thing for my brother. How he didn’t realize that his best friend was in love with him I’ll never know. Never understood why Usagi-san never flat out told him either. That’s too painful to carry around such feelings but never act upon them.

            The first day I actually spent time with the author was a complete disaster. He didn’t try to hide how arrogant and bizarre he was. He gave me all kinds of shit about not being as smart as him or my brother. In fact, he wouldn’t stop comparing me to my brother at first and it drove me insane.

            I’m not even going to get into how I pissed him off and he had a strange method of teaching me a lesson.

            I was absolutely convinced that we would never get along and I used to wonder why I never ran away when I had the chance.

            In the end, I’m glad I stuck around with him, even after the rocky start we had in the beginning. He certainly has changed me, mostly for the better I think. My life became way different from what I always imagined it would be because of him, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

            His ego, his weirdness, his bad attitude, his usual procrastination habits, his high sex drive, his compulsive spending habits, his uncaring attitude towards pretty much everyone, and any other negative aspect of his personality; as much as I say I can’t stand all of those things, I wouldn’t change any of it. All of those things are what make him Usagi-san.

            It was starting to become a nightmare when he was actually working and became less clingy, until I learned the reasons behind those changes and figured that everything would go back to normal soon. So who knows how I would feel if he changed overnight again. Like if he suddenly became more humble or never wanted to touch me again or something.

            Basically, I’ll go crazy if it isn’t Usagi-san.

            On the day of the interview a few days later, I waited by the main entrance of Mitsuhashi University after my classes had finished. Todo finished classes not too long after I did. Usually he had kendo club or his part time job to go to immediately afterwards. Today was supposed to have been a work day for him, but luckily he had found someone to cover his shift. Today was the only day I didn’t work and Usagi-san didn’t have any meetings so he had to work around our schedules.

            Todo finally came out through the archway and I couldn’t help but crack up laughing when I saw him. He was all dressed up in a white button shirt, a black blazer jacket, a nice gray checkered tie, black dress pants, and a pair of expensive looking black dress shoes. His hair was slicked back with what I assumed was an absurd amount of hair gel.

            His cheeks turned slightly pink as I laughed. “Hey, it’s not funny! What’s wrong with how I look?”

            “How do you know that’s what I’m laughing about?” I asked when I finally got the chance to take a breath.

            “Because I already know that I look ridiculous.”

            “Then why are you dressed like that?”

            He sighed. “I thought I should look presentable since I’m interviewing _the_ Usami Akihiko-sensei.”

            I nearly scoffed at how he was holding the guy on such a high pedestal in his mind. “Trust me. That doesn’t matter with him.”

            We started walking down the sidewalk away from the university and towards the direction of the penthouse. Todo said he was perfectly fine with doing the meet up there rather than at his apartment or some public area. Usagi-san was much more comfortable just being at home rather than somewhere where others could see and hear or at some stranger’s house. I also suggested doing it at Marukawa, but the death glare he shot me said otherwise.

            “I can’t wait to see how big this place is!” Todo said as we walked. “Does it ever feel like you live in a mansion?”

            I shrugged. “Not really. It’s not that big. Plus I’m used to it after living there for over 3 years now.”

            “Wow, that’s gonna suck when you have to move out.”

            His words nearly stopped me dead in my tracks. The idea of moving out of Usagi-san’s apartment – moving away from Usagi-san – was something I tried to avoid thinking about all together. I didn’t want to move out and be away from him. Sometimes I felt like a kid because I so desperately wanted to stay close to him. In truth, I’m just incredibly insecure.

            How could we possibly last if we weren’t by each other’s sides?

            Because of that thought, it became my goal to make sure that I stayed by his side and stay under the same roof as him. I was almost prepared to do whatever it takes to do so: paying rent, working a full time respectable job, paying other bills. The only thing I still needed to work on was coming out about our relationship to others, including my older brother. But I had already made up my mind that I would at least tell him. I had to if I wanted to stay with Usagi-san.

            “O-oh, yeah,” I stuttered, but I didn’t say any more than that.

            “But I’m sure wherever you end up after we graduate will still be nice!” Todo added. “I know shortly after I start working I’ll be looking for a new place to live. Somewhere bigger and maybe a little bit nicer.”

            “Good idea. That’ll be nice.”

            He started going on and on with a laundry list of things that would make up his dream apartment and dream home. I just listened like a good friend and kept walking, thankful for the slight subject change. I didn’t want to think about moving out and I wasn’t ready to try to explain that to Todo, even though he is what I would consider to be a close friend.

            One day I’ll be brave enough to tell him… one day.

            The look on Todo’s face when we arrived at the apartment complex was priceless. I’m sure I probably had a similar look on mine the first time I saw the place too, especially the inside. His jaw seemed to drop lower and lower as I buzzed us in and we rode the elevator up to the top.

            “No way! You really live in the penthouse suite all the way at the top?” He was still in total disbelief.

            “Yeah. It’s not such a big deal.”

            When I opened the door, I waited for him to say something about how spacious the place was. Instead, he was silent as he looked around with wide eyes. Once he walked in further and noticed the second story was when he finally spoke up.

            “You’re kidding me! Look at this place!” He held up his arms, gesturing to the whole place and demonstrating how big it is. “Do you seriously live here? Without paying a single penny?”

            “Well, I do the housework and cook meals every day. Let me take your stuff.” He shrugged off his bag and blazer and I hung both on the coat rack as well as my jacket. “I’ve offered several times before to pay an actual rent, but he always refuses.”

            Todo glanced at me with one eyebrow raised. “This guy is pretty weird, isn’t he?”

            I let out a nervous chuckle. “Yeah, he’s pretty weird.”

            He didn’t even know the half of it.

            I made my friend sit on the couch while I excused myself to go upstairs and get Usagi-san. I had a feeling that he might still be a little agitated over having a stranger at his house. But he was the one who agreed to it after I suggested it, since he didn’t want to do it anywhere else. I knew he didn’t like the idea of a stranger being over, but there wasn’t another option.

            Not only did he not like strangers in his house, he probably didn’t like the fact that it was a friend of mine either. He used to always be insecure about me getting close to someone other than him. He always thought someone was after me and going to try to steal me away from him. It had been the same with Todo when we first met, even though I told Usagi-san that he wasn’t like that.

            Recently he had gotten better about letting me have my freedom and my friends. He hadn’t said anything about me hanging out with Todo in a long time. It was very nice to not have to worry about making him upset just because I had a friend. Maybe he was over that phase and realized it was a stupid thing to obsess over. Besides, he knew that I was going to stay together with him.

            I knocked on the door to his office, but I didn’t get an answer. Then I knocked on his bedroom door, still met with silence. I called out to him a few times, but didn’t hear anything back. Despite wanting to not disturb his privacy, I checked both rooms anyway. They were both empty.

            Weird. Didn’t I tell him that we would be here shortly after classes?

            No, I _definitely_ told him that.

            And he most certainly knew that the interview was here at home and on this very day.

            Slightly irritated, I checked the other rooms of the penthouse, even though I already pretty much knew he wasn’t home. It was no surprise that he wasn’t in any of the other rooms. Where he was I didn’t have a clue. He didn’t tell me that he was going anywhere today.

            If something came up he should have let me know. A single text only takes a minute!

            Despite my annoyance, I calmly walked back into the living room. Todo was gazing around, still in awe by the size of the place I assumed. Suzuki-san sat at the opposite end of the couch he was on. He kept glancing suspiciously over at it, almost as if he expected it to move or start talking.

            “Sorry, Todo. Looks like he must have stepped out for a moment.”

            “Oh, that’s okay! I can hang around for a bit until he gets back.” His eyes suddenly shifted back to the stuffed animal on the couch. “But… can I ask what the hell is up with this huge bear? It kind of creeps me out.”

            “I told you he’s weird. It’s something special to him, so just go with it. Here, this should help.”

            I grabbed a throw blanket from the other couch and tossed it over Suzuki-san. “There. No more bear stares.”

            “Ah, that’s better,” he said. “Now the place looks normal.”

            _As long as you don’t go upstairs_ , I thought to myself.

            I excused myself again and went to the kitchen to call Usagi-san. The phone rang several times and I thought he wasn’t going to pick up at all. Finally the line clicked and the familiar deep voice flooded my ear.

            “Yes?” was all he said and that somehow only pissed me off even more.

            “Usagi-san! Where the hell are you?” I demanded through clenched teeth. “You _knew_ that Todo was coming over today to talk to you for his paper!”

            “Well, hello to you too, Misaki.”

            “Don’t even start with me! Why aren’t you here?!”

            He let out a huge breath into the phone, probably sighing. “I’m sorry. I’m on my way back right now. There was an emergency meeting with marketing about my book and I had to attend it. I didn’t know it would take as long as it did. But I’m not that late, am I? I’m sure you just got home.”

            Rather than be reassured and understanding towards the situation, I only got angrier. “That’s not the point! You could have at least let me know! Called me, sent me a text, something! Now I just look like an idiot in front of Todo!”

            Usagi-san didn’t even miss a beat. “I’m sure he doesn’t mind that much. I’ll be there soon, okay? Don’t be mad.”

            Before I could respond, the phone clicked again, letting me know he had hung up on me. My heart sped up, but not because I was excited or happy. The only emotions I felt were rage and hatred and I had to resist the urge to toss my phone against a wall. I couldn’t believe him! How dare he act as if it’s not a big deal! And how could he have hung up on me like that?!

            I didn’t want to walk back out in a bad mood in front of my friend, so I decided to kill some time by making some tea. We all needed something to drink anyway. Hopefully I would calm down by the time the water began to boil. It’d be too difficult to explain my anger to Todo anyways.

            Why was I so pissed off in the first place?

            Honestly, it wasn’t like this was such a big deal. It wasn’t like he blew off the entire thing completely. He was still going to be home to answer Todo’s questions. And Todo wasn’t even upset about the guy not being here right away! He was content with waiting around for a little bit.

            But still… Usagi-san was being an idiot!

            He should have let me know that he had to go to a meeting today. We made these plans and it was annoying that he wasn’t sticking to them. He promised he would do this for me. Had he been trying to back out of it? Did he not actually want to do it? Maybe he felt obligated to since I asked him to and he wanted to do something for me. If any of those things were the case, he should have just told me!

            I really hate how he keeps hiding things from me.

            First, he never told me about why he was working so diligently. He never mentioned anything about taking a month off from work or the fact that the reason why he was finally meeting all of his deadlines was because he was preparing for this vacation. For nearly a year I never heard a word about the book he was writing – his most important work yet, so it seemed. In fact, he never tells me about any of his books or awards or anything! And now he won’t tell me that he doesn’t want to do a favor for one of my friends!

            Why the hell is he keeping secrets when he’s always yelled at me for doing the same thing?! Hypocrite!

            We’re dating and lovers are supposed to tell each other everything! We’ve been together for almost 4 years and sometimes I still think I barely even know the guy! Yet he seems to know everything about me. How is that fair?

            The tea kettle finally began to whistle and I poured the water into the mugs I had prepared. I added a good dose of sugar into one mug for myself and left the other two black. I knew Usagi-san liked his black and I had no idea how Todo drank his tea.

            I can’t believe I still made tea for someone I was mad at.

            “Todo!” I called out to the living room. “I made tea. Do you want anything in yours?”

            “Some milk and honey, please!”

            After adding a spoonful of honey and a splash of milk to one of the mugs, I brought them all out to the living room. I did my best to hide my anger by plastering on a fake smile. Todo enjoyed the taste of his tea, so that did make me a little happy. I made sure to sit next to him on the couch and put Usagi-san’s tea on the other side of the coffee table, close to the other couch. I didn’t want to sit next to him right now.

            “Sorry for the wait. Usagi-san should be here shortly.”

            “Oh, no, it’s fine!” His smile seemed sincere. “I told you I didn’t mind waiting for a bit.” He paused for a moment, his smile fading. “By the way, why do you call him that?”

            I felt my cheeks heat up in a blush. “O-oh, just a joke! My brother has always called him Usagi and I just started calling him that too.”

            “So your brother knows him as well?”

            Before I could get into our history, the door opened and the man of the hour finally walked in. All I wanted to do was walk up to him and slap him and give him a long lecture. But since we had company, I had to settle for glaring at him instead. It wouldn’t do as much good, but it was something.

            “I’m home,” he called out.

            Todo immediately jumped to his feet and bowed, even though Usagi-san was still all the way over by the door taking off his shoes. “N-nice to see you again, sensei! Thank you for allowing me into your home!”

            If it wasn’t for the fact that I was so angry at Usagi-san, I would have laughed at how flustered my friend was for no reason. I still couldn’t believe he had dressed up so nicely just to ask some random writer about books. It wasn’t even for an important project! Maybe if it was for his graduation thesis, I might understand. But not for some random essay he was assigned because he got in trouble.

            The author walked into the living room, _not_ looking like he was going to torture someone like I thought he might look. He usually had this dark aura that surrounded him when he was around strangers or at meetings. I figured there was a 50/50 chance today of him either having that bad attitude or actually being a pleasant human being. Luckily, he seemed normal and wasn’t even scowling at Todo.

            I was still mad at him though and he was going to get an earful later.

            “Nice to see you again as well.” He bowed back politely. “Thank you for taking care of Misaki for me.”

            I sputtered on the tea I was trying to drink, spilling it all over my chin and down my shirt. The two of them turned to me with puzzled looks, making me even more embarrassed.

            “T-tea was too hot!”

            As I wiped my chin on my sleeve, I shot Usagi-san a side-eye glare. How could he say something like that to my friend?! He didn’t know that we were dating. He just thought the guy was my landlord! That statement just made everything sound so creepy!

            “Uh, likewise,” Todo responded to Usagi-san. “Th-thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk with me.”

            “My pleasure.”

            I wanted to groan at his fake politeness. To anyone else he seemed genuine, but I knew better. He would much rather be getting a root canal than answer some random person’s questions about his job. He hated doing business with people like he was doing today. Sure, it was part of his job, but the only part of it he really cared about was the actual writing part.

            The two finally sat down to talk and sip tea while I sat with them quietly, mostly staring at the wall. Todo wrote down Usagi-san’s answers diligently in his notebook. He actually seemed quite interested in what the writer had to say. I only got up and left once to make more tea for everyone. Todo slowly became more and more relaxed as the time went on. He had a hard time talking for the first few questions, stuttering and stumbling over his words since he was so nervous being in the presence of a famous author. But he seemed to let loose and get more comfortable with each question.

            “Well, I think I have enough information for my paper,” he declared after about an hour of talking. He bowed in his seat rather than standing up to bow. “Thank you very much again for this, Usami-sensei!”

            “Absolutely. I trust you’ve learned a lot from this experience.”

            “Oh, yes! It’s been great!”

            Usagi-san gave him one of his fake business smiles. “Wonderful.” He then turned to me. “Misaki, why don’t you see if your friend would like to stay for dinner?”

            I was a little shocked at his proposition. “Are you sure you don’t mind, Usagi-san?”

            He never liked having others intruding on our meal times. We’ve always promised to eat breakfast and dinner together when our work schedules allowed it. It was very rare for someone else to eat with us. Sometimes Aikawa-san or Isaka-san were around whenever we would eat, much to his annoyance. Even dinner with my brother, his wife, and their son was uncommon.

            “Not at all,” he said as he got up from the couch. “Would either of you like some coffee?”

            While he went to the kitchen to make more coffee that he didn’t need, I sat there in awe. Usagi-san was actually letting my friend stay for dinner. And he was the one who offered the arrangement! This was too strange. I had no idea how to act.

            “Wow, Usami-sensei is so nice!” Todo leaned over and whispered to me. “Now I feel bad about calling him weird before.”

            “But he _is_ weird! So, would you like to stay for dinner?”

            “Sure!” He smiled widely. “I’d love to taste your cooking!”

            Todo and I talked about school and manga while I prepared a quick dinner. Several times I nearly forgot that I was cooking for an extra person and kept thinking I was making way too much. It was nice to have someone to talk to while I worked. It made the time go by much faster. In general, it was just nice to spend some more time with someone I considered to be a close friend. Soon, we would be graduating and who knows how often we’d be able to hang out after that. Maybe we wouldn’t even stay in touch. As sad as that seemed, sometimes that was just the harsh reality of life.

            Usagi-san set the table again (no wine this time, thankfully) and all three of us sat down to eat. The conversation was mostly between Todo and me, while the writer stayed pretty quiet. Todo really enjoyed my cooking and kept telling me how delicious it was. I think he was really happy to have a nice home cooked meal. I don’t think he cooked much at his place and probably just ate cup ramen.

            It was nice… except I was still mad at Usagi-san the whole time. I know that stunt he pulled with asking Todo to stay for dinner was him trying to get on my good side and make me forget that I was mad at him. He may be okay with this friend, but he’d never do something like that regularly.

            “Oh, Takahashi, I nearly forgot!” Todo exclaimed once we had finished eating and Usagi-san had excused himself to smoke a cigarette. “What do you think about going on our hot springs graduation trip sooner rather than later? As in before we actually graduate.”

            He pulled out his phone and opened up his calendar to next month, December. “I know it’s pretty last minute, but I was thinking the day after Christmas. A 5 day and 4 night stay, so that we’re back by New Year’s.”

            “What?! Are you crazy?! We can’t stay in a hot spring hotel during the Christmas holiday. Do you realize how busy all of them will be? Not to mention how expensive it would be, if we could even book a room at all.”

            “I’ve already got that covered,” he said with a smirk. “What if I told you I already got tickets to a resort in Gunma?”

            My eyes widened and I couldn’t help but slam my hands on the table in surprise. “No way! You’re kidding! How?!”

            “My favorite local radio station had a call in contest and I won! I didn’t think that I’d actually win, but I did! Two all-expenses paid tickets! All we have to do is get there! The room is already booked and everything!” He was so excited that he was shaking around in his seat, eyes glistening with happiness. “What do you think?”

            It was actually kind of perfect. It wasn’t too far away and we could take the trip during our winter break. I was almost positive I could get the time off work (after all, how busy could it be after Christmas?). Even though it was right around Christmas, it might not be so bad if we went in between Christmas and New Year’s.

            Todo and I talked excitedly about the trip, making mental lists of all the activities we wanted to do while we were there. It was exciting for me because I had only ever been on hot springs trips with my brother or Usagi-san. With my brother, I was fairly young so I don’t remember doing much.

            With Usagi-san… stuff just always happened.

            Now that I was going with my best friend, I was doing to do anything and everything I wanted and just relax and have a great time.

            Usagi-san came back in from smoking out on the veranda just as Todo was showing me pictures on the internet of the hot spring and mountains on his phone. He came up behind us and looked at them as well.

            “Ah, that’s a magnificent view!” he commented. “Who’s going there?”

            I turned around in my seat to face him and grinned. “We both are!”

            “Oh, right. For graduation.”

            “Yeah! Except it looks like we’re going earlier than expected.”

            He raised one eyebrow. “Oh? Why’s that?”

            Todo turned around to face him as well. “Well, I just thought it would be easier since Misaki will start his full time job immediately after graduation and I’ll be starting training for the police force.”

            “You want to become a police officer, huh? Very admirable of you. So when are you taking this trip then? Just before graduation in March?”

            “Actually I won a pair of tickets for next month!”

            Usagi-san’s eyes widened. I think I was seeing things, but it really looked like his eyes turned an even deeper violet color.

            I suddenly got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this one everyone. I had a lot of stuff going on. I promise the next chapter will be up a lot sooner. Half of that chapter was actually supposed to be in this chapter, but I decided it would be way too long so I wanted to split it up. Plus then the next next chapter I was planning in my head was looking to be too short so I thought I'd combine it into the next one. So it's already halfway done! Basically, it's going to get real good. Thanks for sticking around!


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

            “You mean the tickets are only good for December?”

            Usagi-san’s voice was calm, but his tone had suddenly become a lot deeper. I immediately recognized it and braced myself.

            He was angry.

            “Y-yeah,” I stepped in. “We have to use them next month and they were free. We can’t pass that up! So we want to go for a few days right after Christmas.”

            “Absolutely not!” he yelled with his jaw slightly clenched. “I forbid Misaki from going then. You’ll have to go some other time.”

            Even though I had already prepared myself for his temper, I was confused as to why he wasn’t going to let me go on a trip with my friend. Especially since he knew that we would be taking a hot springs trip for graduation in the first place! It wasn’t like I was busy. And we didn’t have any special plans together. I would have remembered if we had made plans.

            “Eh, why not?? What’s going on, Usagi-san?”

            He stared at me for a moment before answering. “We’ll have plans then.”

            “Huh? I didn’t know anything about these plans! Are they that important? I mean, we can only use the tickets then, so can’t you reschedule whatever you had going on? We can do it some other time, right?”

            “No. It has to be next month.”

            “Okay, so can’t we do it before Christmas? Or when Todo and I come back from our trip? We’re only going to be gone for a few days!”

            “No!” There was a hint of desperation in his voice now, almost as if he was going to panic about it. But his face remained stony. “You can’t go next month. It will have to wait until the beginning of next year.”

            The anger that had been boiling inside of me because of him suddenly doubled. How dare he try to control me like this! I thought we had pushed passed this stage a while ago. What the hell was he thinking? He better not be thinking gross things, like my friend coming onto me on the trip!

            “What the hell is wrong with you?!” I yelled at him, leaning forward in the chair. “Why the hell can’t I go on a trip with my friend? I’m an adult! Why are you trying to control me?”

            He glanced at Todo before narrowing his eyes at me. “I didn’t say you _couldn’t_ go. I just said you need to pick another time. You and I will be busy during that time.”

            I could hear Todo shuffling around in the seat beside me, but I didn’t dare take my eyes off of Usagi-san to look at him. He was probably pretty uncomfortable watching his friend fight with said friend’s landlord, who happens to be a famous author. It seemed like a strange situation when I thought about it that way.

            “We can’t pick another time!” I stood up with my hands balled into fists at my sides. “Todo has free tickets that we have to use next month and the only time we could use them would be during our winter break.”

            Usagi-san glared down at me before glancing over at my friend again. “Sorry about all of this. I can buy you both tickets for another time, okay? Maybe in March or something.”

            Todo suddenly shot out of his seat and stood next to me. “What? Really?! No way! I couldn’t accept something like that!”

            Usagi-san forced a smile, but I think anyone could tell that he still looked pissed. “Nonsense! It’d be the least I could do as an apology for not letting Misaki go when you wanted to.”

            I finally looked over at Todo and I could tell he was definitely at a loss for words. Before he could try to answer the older man, I held my arm out in front of him as if to tell him to stop.

            “This isn’t about the money for the tickets! This is about you trying to control my life!”

            “I’m not trying to control you!” His fake smile disappeared and was replaced with a scowl. “We’re going to have plans so you can’t go after Christmas.”

            “Who the hell decided that?! Because I sure as hell wasn’t even aware that we had any plans together! You can’t just decide things for me and then not even tell me about it!”

            Suddenly the wheels in my brain clicked and I remembered that he was going to be taking a vacation starting next month. Obviously he had planned in his head to do something with me, but neglected to tell me about it.

            Just like how he didn’t tell me about taking a vacation in the first place.

            Or how he didn’t bother to tell me that he had an emergency work meeting when he was supposed to be home for the interview with Todo.

            In fact, there certainly were a lot of things he seemed to be conveniently forgetting to mention to me lately.

            And all of that was _really_ starting to piss me off.

            “Uh,” Todo started before shutting his mouth. He looked down at the floor and shuffled his feet around.

            I had to grind my teeth together to keep from continuing to yell at Usagi-san. “I’m sorry about this, Todo. I’ll walk you to the door. I’m sure you want to get back home where it’s much _quieter_.”

            “Um, thank you very much again, Usami-sensei!” he awkwardly rattled off. “I learned a lot and it was very helpful!”

            I grabbed his arm and pulled him to the coat rack before Usagi-san could say anything else. I didn’t want to hear any more about the whole situation from my friend either, so I quickly handed him his coat and backpack. Thankfully, he seemed to have a sense of urgency about leaving as well. Everything became way too awkward way too fast and I didn’t know exactly how to explain it all to him.

            Welcome to my life, Todo. It’s actually quite bizarre. Oh, did I mention that the author who I live with is actually my lover? That’s why he thinks he can control me and why it pisses me off so much!

            “Sorry again,” I mumbled at the entryway as he put on his shoes. “I’ll explain another time.”

            “It’s fine.” He paused as he headed to the door. “Please just don’t kill each other. You really shouldn’t argue too much with the man who’s letting you live in this place for free though. Tell him thanks again for me. See you around.”

            He quickly left and I wondered if he would still be my friend after everything that had just happened. I sure hoped he would, but it might be a little awkward for the both of us. I wasn’t sure how I was going to explain things to him yet, but I’d figure something out.

            As soon as my friend was gone, I marched back into the sitting room to give Usagi-san another piece of my mind. He was sitting on the couch again, a lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth and one hand tugging at his tie to loosen it.

            “Usagi-san, how could you do that?!” I demanded angrily. “Todo probably hates me now! Did you see how uncomfortable that made him?”

            He glared up at me, his eyes still narrow and clouded with anger. “ _You_ started it. All I said was you couldn’t go on your trip next month.”

            “Well why the hell not?! You didn’t make any plans with me! I would have remembered! I bet you’re just planning to kidnap me again!”

            He took a long drag of his cigarette before he answered. “No, I’m not. Don’t you remember that I’m on a vacation starting in a few weeks? I thought we could spend time together during that time.”

            His voice was still harsh, but there was also a strange undertone to it. Like he was holding back something. It was almost sad, but I don’t think that was quite it. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was strange.

            “You have an entire month off! The hot springs trip would only be for a few days. That’s still plenty of time to spend together. Besides, you should have asked me before deciding to make plans for me.”

            “I don’t think you should go right after Christmas and take up your whole winter break. I want to spend Christmas with you. Besides, two men going to a hot spring together around a romantic holiday like that will look strange to everyone there. They’ll think you two are actually lovers.”

            I threw my hands in my air. “There it is! The truth finally comes out! You don’t want me to go at all! You think Todo will molest me or something, don’t you?!”

            He let out a sigh that sounded kind of like a growl. “That’s not what I meant. I know he’s not after you and I trust you to look after yourself properly. I just… I have plans for us and I don’t want them ruined, okay?”

            “Well, why didn’t you just tell me that before?! Then I could have told Todo ‘no’ properly when he first asked me to go on the trip!”

            He stubbed out his cigarette butt hard in the ashtray on the coffee table. “I just didn’t want to tell you, okay?”

            Finally, I had had enough. The last straw had snapped in half and the camel’s back was severely broken. I hadn’t felt such anger towards this man in such a long time that it almost felt foreign and just plain wrong. It all seemed stupid and pointless. I knew I was mad for a dumb reason.

            But enough was enough.

            I was tired of feeling alone and left out.

            “Don’t fuck with me!” I yelled, my throat already raw from all the yelling I had been doing. “All you’ve done lately is keep secrets from me and I’m tired of it!”

            Usagi-san’s eyes widened. He sat there staring at me with his mouth slightly open in shock. I thought he was going to say something about how I was overreacting, but he didn’t. So I continued to rant.

            “First, you were focusing so much on your work and turning in manuscripts early. You were never like that before! You changed so suddenly! For a whole month I was so confused as to what happened! Do you have any idea what kind of things I thought about?”

            My heart was racing and I was starting to sweat. My hands were shaking just as much as I wanted to go over there and shake some sense into him. I didn’t dare tell him all the crazy things I had imagined during that month. If he knew that I had been afraid of him not loving me anymore, he’d immediately attack me to try to console me!

            It hurt to think that he didn’t want to share things in his life with me. Especially when he always got mad at me for doing the same thing. We were supposed to be lovers, but he was keeping secrets from me. How was I supposed to trust him?

            “That was because I needed to get work done before next month,” he explained, a bit of edge in his voice again. “Aikawa-san told you about the project I’ve been working on. Well, I wanted it done and I had to get all my other smaller projects done before the vacation.”

            “I know that now! But I had no idea about any of that stuff before! You never once told me about that damn story you’ve been working on all year! Such a huge project and yet I never heard a thing about it! And you didn’t tell me that you were going to take a month off! Why didn’t you tell me about any of these things?”

            “Because I _couldn’t_ tell you!”

            His eyes were narrowed and eyebrows furrowed. His whole face was scrunched up, as if he was trying to keep himself from screaming at me some more. I was expecting steam to come out of his ears.

            “You weren’t supposed to know about any of that! But Aikawa-san had to go and open her big mouth! Now everything is ruined and you’re pissed off at me!”

            As confused as I was, it didn’t diminish the frustration and rage inside me. “Why the hell wasn’t I supposed to know about that? You _should_ have told me about your time off if you wanted to spend it with me! I have my own life too, you know! And it doesn’t revolve around you!”

            I heard the loud banging before I could register what was happening before my eyes.

            Usagi-san slammed his fists down on the table so hard that the whole table vibrated intensely and the ashtray bounced up into the air. He had hit the solid surface so violently that I wondered if he had broken any bones in his hands.

            We were both silent for a few moments, the noise still ringing in my ears. He sat there with his head down so that I couldn’t see his face. I knew he was heated from our argument and infuriated with me, so I’m sure his face wasn’t too pretty just then. Fury still raged inside of me as well, still due to the fact that he kept keeping secrets from me.

            Before I could even think about what to say next, he stood up and walked right passed me, not even looking at me. He stopped and grabbed his coat before going to put his shoes on.

            “Where the hell are you going?!”

            “Out. I’m leaving before one of us says something we’ll regret.” His voice was now monotone and void of any emotion.

            “What the hell! You can’t just leave in the middle of an argument! Just tell me what you’re hiding from me! Why won’t you tell me anything?”

            Desperate for answers, I rushed over to him. He had his shoes and coat on and was reaching for the door. I almost reached out to him, but something held me back. He also hesitated for a second on opening the door.

            “I just need some fresh air,” he said quietly. “I need space to think. I’ll be back.”

            He slammed the door behind him and I was left standing there alone and confused, a fire still burning inside of me.

* * *

 

            After a few moments of just standing there steaming mad, I had to go do something. Anything to keep my mind off the fight. To keep my mind off Usagi-san.

            The best way that I like to calm down is by doing housework. So I started by doing all the dinner dishes. It gave my hands something to do while I thought about how much I wanted to strangle that bastard author. I was so furious with him that my entire body had tensed up and remained like that. Doing the dishes slowly unraveled my muscles.

            I couldn’t believe the nerve of that guy!!

            It was obvious he was trying to control me again; trying to keep me away from my friend; trying to stop me from going somewhere and having a good time without him; trying to keep me glued to him even more than I already was.

            The more I thought about it, the more I realized that he was always doing stuff like this. He always did whatever the hell he wanted and just drug me along like I was a dog or something. Sometimes he acted as if I couldn’t make my own decisions.

            More like he acted as if I wasn’t _allowed_ to make my own decisions. He always did whatever he wanted without my say in the matter. Case in point: the several times he kidnapped me. I shouldn’t be so surprised that he made plans for me since he does it all the time.

            I guess I’m just tired of the things he does and the way he acts.

            Especially him keeping secrets from me.

            I still wasn’t completely free of anger after doing some housework and my body was aching, most likely from my muscles being tensed up. A nice hot bath sounded like it would ease away my aches.

            The water was scalding hot to the point where I was sure I got first-degree burns all over my skin. But it was perfect to me. The burning feeling quickly numbed my muscles and somehow tamed the burning feeling of anger inside of me too. I soon found myself actually quite relaxed.

            It wasn’t long before exhaustion took hold of my body and I began to drift off in the bathtub. Since death by drowning in your own home was also a terrible way to die, I reluctantly got out of the tub.

            I decided to treat myself after such a stressful day by putting on my comfiest pair of pajamas and eating some gourmet chocolate truffles, courtesy of Aikawa-san. I sat up in bed and lost myself in reading a new manga I had been wanting to check out for a while.

            Somehow I had pushed Usagi-san from my mind. I had even completely forgotten that he had left after our fight. I had no idea if he had even returned or not. This was most definitely a good thing. I didn’t want to think about him at all for the time being.

            I finally decided it was time to go to sleep after I lightly dozed off and dropped my manga in my lap. I settled down underneath the warm blankets in my own bed (no way in hell was I going to sleep with that bastard after tonight) and started to drift off again.

            Just before I fully lost consciousness, there was a knock on my door, causing me to jump a little. I knew exactly who it was and I definitely did not want to speak to him. Ignoring him, I closed my eyes again and just tried to breathe normally. He was probably going to barge in, so I had to fake being asleep.

            Sure enough, I heard the door softly creak open. “Misaki, can we talk, please?”

            If I hadn’t been pretending to be asleep I would have laughed over him saying please. Instead, I just remained silent and still.

            I listened closely and I could hear him shuffle forward a couple feet before stopping. He sadly sighed before shuffling around again. The door slowly began to creak shut again.

            “Goodnight, Misaki.”

            The door latched shut and his footsteps faded away.

            Even though I had been so close to being asleep just a minute ago, I suddenly found myself unable to sleep. Usagi-san’s voice just… sounded so sad. I hadn’t heard him sound like that in a long time. Sure, he had been feeling down many times before, but he hadn’t sounded like that in a long time.

            In fact, I think the last time I heard that voice was a few years ago on our date I had planned. We ended up on the ferris wheel after I ran into his older brother earlier that day. That was the first time I had ever told him that I loved him.

            Just like that time, I knew I had to say something to him to console him. To make him feel better. To make him happy again.

            To assure him that I loved him.

            But I figured that could wait.

            I thought we had all the time in the world.


	6. Chapter Six

            I woke up the next morning feeling an 80 year old man. My joints were aching and I was tired and angry. The last thing I wanted to do was go to school and then work before I could finally pass out again later that night.

            No, scratch that.

            The actual last thing I wanted to do was see or talk to Usagi-san.

            Of course I still wasn’t happy with him! I wasn’t prepared to face him just yet. Not only did I not know what to say to him, but I also had no idea what he would say to me. I really just didn’t want to hear it yet. There wasn’t anything he could do or say at that point to make me completely forgive him. It was better to wait for everything to die down on their own.

            Trying to delay the inevitable, I waited until the last possible minute to get out of bed, leaving myself just barely enough time to get ready, cook and eat a small breakfast, and walk to school (I’d have to walk at a fast pace, but it was still possible). It was just impossible for me to gather up the courage to face him.

            I knew I was going a little overboard with the whole situation, but I couldn’t help it. This had been building for a little over a month and apparently I just couldn’t handle it anymore emotionally.

            When I finally went downstairs to cook breakfast, Usagi-san was nowhere to be found. I knew he was still in bed, but not for much longer. I debated on not making him anything to eat, but decided against it. That was just a bit too mean.

            Just as I finished making both of us some fish, rice, and miso soup, the man came down the stairs and into the kitchen. He stood silent for a minute by the counter, just watching me put food on the plates and into bowls.

            “Good morning,” he finally said normally.

            Rather than straight up ignoring him, I just grunted in response. I took my breakfast to the table without him. Hell, I even prayed and began eating without him, something I had never done whenever we were both home for a meal. I always did those things with him.

            I was eating so fast that by the time he sat down across from me with his food I was already halfway done with my meal. He prayed, but he didn’t eat. I could feel his eyes practically drilling holes into me and I just tried to keep my eyes down and not look him directly in the face.

            His staring made me uncomfortable, but it also made me curious. What did his face look like? What was he feeling? Were any of his feelings showing on his face? I snuck a quickly glance, but was a little disappointed to see his normal, stoic face.

            “What?” I finally snapped. It came out as a bit of a snarl.

            “We need to talk.” His sad voice was back.

            “Why? We’ll just fight again and then you’ll leave when things don’t go exactly the way you want them to. Besides, I have to leave for school soon.”

            He sighed. “Fine. Come straight home after school and I promise I’ll explain everything.”

            There he goes – trying to control me again. Telling me what to do without my say in the matter.

            “Can’t. I have to work right after. Probably won’t be home till 11.”

            I was shoveling the food in my mouth so fast I was kind of afraid I was going to choke, but I wanted to hurry up and get the hell out of there. Not just because I didn’t want to be late to my first class, but also because I didn’t want to talk to Usagi-san for the time being.

            “Look, I’m sorry for walking out on our fight last – ”

            “No, you’re not,” I interrupted, a few grains of rice flying out of my mouth in the process.

            “I am.”

            He paused, possibly waiting for me to accept his apology.

            I didn’t.

            “I swear I can explain everything.”

            “Are you going to let me go on a trip with my friend next month and stop trying to boss me around?”

            That shut him up. His face tightened and I knew I made him angry again. But I didn’t really care anymore. This kind of behavior was unacceptable. Especially coming from a grown ass man who I considered to be my lover.

            Not giving him a chance to rebuttal, I picked up my empty plate and headed for the kitchen. I heard his chair scuffle on the floor and his footsteps behind me. Of course he wasn’t going to give up so easily. I had to get out of there fast.

            “I’m leaving now,” I announced as I put my dishes in the sink and kept walking away. “Just put your dishes in the sink and I’ll do them all when I get home tonight.”

            I barely made it to the threshold of the kitchen before Usagi-san grabbed my arm. It was rough, but not so much that it was painful. However it did startle me enough that I yelled “Ouch!” out of habit. Despite my cry, he didn’t loosen his grip and just kept a steady hold of me. I didn’t dare look back at his face, so I kept my eyes glued to the floor.

            “Misaki, wait, please.”

            His voice wasn’t composed like it usually was. Rather he sounded… worried.

            “Let me drive you to school today. We _really_ need to talk.” He paused for a brief second. “Please. I swear I can explain everything.”

            I balled my hands into fists angrily. “Well, you sure are doing a lot of talking but no explaining!”

            His grip on my arm loosened and I took the opportunity to yank my arm away. I made a big deal out of rubbing my arm where he had grabbed it, as if it hurt. It didn’t. There wasn’t even going to be any marks there. I just wanted him to feel some remorse.

            Expecting him to grab me again, I hesitated slightly before grabbing my bag from the chair in the living room and walking to the entryway. He followed me, but made no attempt to stop me this time. It was a little strange, but I wasn’t going to question it or complain.

            “I’ll be home late, but there’s some leftovers in the fridge you can heat up for dinner,” I said coldly as I slipped on my shoes and coat. I didn’t know why I was still talking to him and not just leaving.

            “Can we please talk when you get home then?”

            I paused before grabbing the door handle. “Maybe…”

            Usagi-san exhaled roughly, almost as if he had been holding his breath. “Okay, maybe then. I promise I’ll explain everything.”

            Yeah, right. I didn’t know if I should trust a guy that sounded like a broken record.

            “I’m going now,” I announced again as I opened the door.

            “Misaki,” he cried as I was walking out. “Be careful.”

            I scoffed a little. “Yeah, okay.”

            It wasn’t until I was halfway to school when I realized why he sounded so weird. Why he was acting so strange. Why he kept repeating himself. The exact emotion that was hidden deep within his heart but had started to come out.

            Desperation.

            He was desperate. Desperate for me to hear him out and to understand him.

* * *

            As the day went on, I felt more and more guilty about the way I had been acting. I was starting to think that maybe – just maybe – Usagi-san hadn’t deserved the way I had treated him that morning. He had been an ass the night before, but was clearly trying to make amends. He said he was going to tell me everything (in fact, he said it four times) and make it up to me.

            I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious as to what he had planned and why he wouldn’t let me go on the trip with Todo. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that he probably had good intentions. I kept thinking he had just been jealous and wanted to spend all of Christmas and his vacation with me. In fact, I’m sure that was the reason, but now I was beginning to understand why.

            We were lovers. Of course he wanted to spend Christmas with me. And he wanted to spend my time off during my Christmas break with me. And he had a month off from work that he obviously wanted to spend with me.

            I was the most important person in his life. He had just spent a month and a half working his ass off so that he could take his vacation in order to spend more time with me. I’m sure I’m the only person in the world he’d ever work so hard for.

            In fact, he probably had something really special planned. Maybe he planned a special day or two with my brother and his family. Or maybe he really was planning to take me somewhere nice. I know I said I hated it when he took me places without my permission, but I really enjoyed all the memories of those times we had together.

            I know Todo winning free tickets was a golden opportunity, but now I really felt like I couldn’t accept it.

            Shit.

            I had to come up with some excuse for him now.

            Honestly it’d be so much easier if I could just tell him the truth about Usagi-san and me.

            Lunchtime came around and I quickly found Todo after getting some ramen. He was sitting alone at a table eating from a bento box and reading a giant book. I still didn’t have a clue what to say to him, but I went and sat down with him anyways.

            “Ah, Takahashi!” He looked normal and he didn’t even seem mad. “Glad to see you’re still alive.” His face suddenly fell. “Does that mean Usami-sensei is dead?”

            “Todo! Honestly, do you really think I could do something like that?”

            He shrugged as he took a bite of his sashimi. “You both seemed pretty heated last night. I felt like I was right in the line of fire!”

            My face heated up in embarrassment. My cheeks were probably bright red. Now that the whole situation was over, I felt like a complete ass for fighting with Usagi-san in front of my friend like that. Not just because I shouldn’t have done so in front of a guest, but also because it was wrong of me to fight with him in the first place. I should have asked for his permission to go on the trip first.

            “Um, Todo,” I started before bowing in my seat, “I’m very sorry! For many things that happened last night. Forgive me.”

            My friend began to chuckle, which made me look back up at him. “It’s okay, Takahashi! Fights happen. It’s really not a big deal.”

            I was relieved that he genuinely wasn’t mad at me or upset with me. It was nice to know that he was a true friend. I hoped I could continue to stay friends with him for a long time.

            However I still didn’t know how he would react when I told him that I really couldn’t go on the hot springs trip with him after all.

            “And, um, I’m really sorry about this too,” – I bowed my head again – “but I really can’t go on the trip with you next month!” He didn’t respond right away so I kept talking. “I forgot that Usagi-san and I had made plans with my brother and his family during that time. I’m sorry!”

            He was silent for a moment before stuttering out “O-oh. Is that so? Well, family does come first, after all.”

            I looked back up at him again and noticed that his facial expression was a little strange. He looked a little confused, but he also looked like he had just realized something. Like how someone looks when they can’t find their keys, but suddenly remembers the last place they had seen them.

            No, he definitely looked more shocked than that. More like how someone looks when they find out a secret about someone.

            “Sorry,” I repeated, trying not to think about how he looked or trying to figure out what he was thinking about. “Maybe someone else can go with you?”

            The look on his face disappeared and he smiled lightly at me. “I can find someone else, no problem. Really, I’m not mad at you or anything. I promise.”

            I smiled back. “Thank you for understanding.”

            “No problem!” He paused for a second. “I’m sure it will be nice to visit with your family. I can’t believe you forgot about these plans! Maybe you should get a planner or something to help you keep track of your busy schedule.”

            All I could do was laugh and nod in agreement. If only he knew that I couldn’t even do something that simple. Not when a lot of my plans were made for me without my knowledge.

            In all honesty, it did still kind of bug me that Usagi-san did stuff like that all the time. He always acts so high and mighty about it too (like he usually does about everything). But he didn’t deserve the way I treated him.

            I made up my mind as I finally began to eat my ramen, which had gotten a bit cold.

            I was going to rush home after work and apologize.


	7. Chapter Seven

            The rest of the day seemed to drag on. All I could think about was getting home to Usagi-san. Work was busy, but it was taking so long for each hour to pass just because I kept thinking about it. I knew he’d fully accept my apology and then embrace me. The fight would quickly be forgotten and we’d move on.

            I knew I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did earlier that morning. I should have apologized for what happened the night before and asked what our plans were for Christmas. I should have taken his feelings into consideration more since he is my lover.

            When it was time for my 15 minute break, I ran to the bathroom that hardly gets used for some privacy. Everything was eating me up inside so badly that I just couldn’t wait until I got home. I had to call Usagi-san and talk to him immediately. I could apologize to him in person at home as well, but I needed to say something to him right away.

            Unfortunately, the phone rang several times before going to his voicemail

            It was odd… He always answered my phone calls, even if he was busy working on a novel or an article. The only time he didn’t answer was if he was in a meeting. I was fairly positive that he wasn’t supposed to have any tonight. Then again, he did have emergency meetings from time to time, and Aikawa-san or Isaka-san would just haul him off somehow (after a lot of bribing and coaxing).

            Except, he had just went to an emergency meeting yesterday… and then that sparked a fight between us.

            The phone dinged, letting me know I could start recording a message. I paused, unsure of what to even say. I didn’t want to apologize in a recording, nor had I ever even left him a message before.

            “Um, h-hey, Usagi-san,” I started. “It’s me – Misaki. I, uh, just wanted to talk to you about something. I didn’t want to wait until tonight, so I just thought I’d call and tell you. But… I guess you’re not available right now. Um, I’ll just talk to you when I get home then. Sorry to bother you.”

            It took me a moment to hang up the phone. I kept hoping that he would suddenly pick up and start talking to me, even though I knew that wasn’t possible on a cell phone. Maybe he was just in the bathroom and would call me back in a few minutes.

            I finally hung up and just waited for him to call me back, watching the clock on my phone tick away. Before I knew it, my entire break was nearly over and he hadn’t called back. Not going back to work was not an option, so I had to leave the bathroom and go back to the department where my immediate supervisor was.

            As I ran around the building doing random errands, I kept waiting to feel my phone vibrate with him calling or texting me, but all was silent. It didn’t make me mad that he was ignoring me. Rather, it made me depressed and worried.

            Maybe he was mad at me for the things I did and didn’t want to talk to me. After all, he did try so hard to work things out and apologize to me this morning, but I completely shut him down. Of course he’d be angry with me after that!

            Maybe… he didn’t even want to see me either. I kept thinking that he might completely ignore me once I got home as well. He might not even want to talk about what happened. Maybe he wanted to give me a little taste of my own medicine.

            Or… maybe he wanted to end it all between us now.

            The thought alone made my heart race and I scrambled to work even faster. The sooner I got done with all the tasks they wanted me to do, the sooner I could go home and work things out with Usagi-san.

            As I was running to drop off some supplies to another editorial department, Aikawa-san got off the elevator. She was frowning, which was quite different from how happy she had been lately. For the past month she had seemed over the moon every time I had seen her, most likely due to Usagi-san finally working like he should be and not giving her or the company any trouble. I stopped and bowed at her, trying to be careful of the box I was carrying.

            “Good evening, Aikawa-san,” I greeted. “You’re working kind of late tonight.”

            She smiled lightly at me. “Ah, good evening, Misaki-kun! I had a late meeting with another author I manage. Speaking of authors, it’s a good thing I ran into you. Have you heard from Usami-sensei lately?”

            “Uh, I saw him this morning at breakfast.”

            “Hmph, that figures. I’ve been trying to get a hold of him for a couple of hours now, but it’s no use. He won’t answer my phone calls or texts.”

            My heart sped up, making my chest tighten. So he wasn’t answering Aikawa-san’s phone calls either. It started to make me worry, wondering if he was passed out cold near his computer or something. Now I really had to hurry home!

            “It’s not even like I’m going to scold him or anything!” Aikawa-san continued. “I just wanted to confirm a meeting at 9 in the morning. Sheesh, I have _not_ missed this behavior from him at all! Why did he have to go back to doing these kinds of things? I thought maybe he would have changed for good, but –”

            I tuned out her rambling, too focused on worrying about Usagi-san to really care about what she was saying. Normally, I wouldn’t even think twice about him ignoring her since he had a tendency to do so (as well as ignore the director and many others that he just didn’t want to deal with). But he had been doing so well with everything lately! He had no reason to ignore her or Isaka-san or anyone else in the company since he was getting all of his work done on time.

            What made all of it even worse was the fact that he was ignoring me too. It was really starting to hit me that he might not be mad at me, but that he might be collapsed somewhere instead.

            “Um, I should be about done here for the night,” I told the editor, trying to keep my voice steady so she couldn’t tell that I was worried. “I’ll go home quickly and tell him to get his butt in gear for you!”

            I didn’t tell her about how he was ignoring me as well, even though he had never done so before. No way in hell was I going to tell her my theory about him being passed out either. She’d have the cops kicking down his door in a second. If he wasn’t out cold, that’d only make him even more pissed off at me.

            Aikawa-san’s face lit up. “Oh, thank you, Misaki-kun! I knew I could count on you!”

            “No problem!” I said with a fake smile. “I’m sorry he’s ignoring you again. He was doing so well with his work too. I’m not sure what’s going on in his head.”

            She shrugged. “He was bound to go back to his old ways at some point. It was nice while it lasted though. But seriously, thank you so much! I didn’t want to go barging in there tonight. Just make sure he at least answers my texts.”

            “Sure.”

            We separated and I sped into overdrive. I needed to get home, fast. Usagi-san needed me. I needed to save him. Get him some water, maybe a bite to eat, and get him into bed. Then when he wakes up and is well-rested, I’ll tell him how sorry I was about everything.

            Although… it was a bit strange.

            He hadn’t overworked himself to the point of collapsing in a long time now. He had been doing so well with his work and sleep schedule. Maybe it wasn’t that he had passed out from overexertion.

            I was beginning to wonder if maybe he had caught a sickness and collapsed from that. A fever, perhaps? If so, he’d definitely need some soup, ice packs, and lots of water! I’d have to live by his bedside for a while, taking care of him. I’m sure that pervert will quite enjoy that.

            Honestly, I wouldn’t mind taking care of him like that if he was that sick and really needed me.

            As long as he doesn’t turn it into some gross boys’ love novel.

            Even though there was still 40 minutes until the end of my shift, I got all of my tasks done and they let me leave early. Normally I would have had to wait half an hour for a train, but the schedule was running behind. A train was just about to leave when I arrived at the station, so I quickly got on that one. Somehow I was very lucky and I ended up back home more than an hour earlier than I should have been.

            All the way home I kept getting more and more anxious as I worried about Usagi-san. My stomach was churning and I was just hoping I wouldn’t puke on the train in front of people. I couldn’t stop bouncing my legs up and down because I felt so restless.

            I could only hope that he wasn’t so sick or worn out that he needed to be rushed to the hospital.

            By the time I made it up to the penthouse, I was completely out of breath from running there from the station. My heart was pounding so hard that I could feel it pulsing in my head. I rushed inside and was greeted by complete darkness.

            “Usagi-san!” I called out. “Are you down here?”

            I didn’t care that I was screaming. Since it was a little late, he could have already been asleep. If so, then I’d deal with the consequences later. I just needed to know if he was okay first.

            When I didn’t hear an answer, I quickly made my way upstairs and barged into his office first. Again, I was met with nothing but darkness and silence. A weird sense of déjà vu took over. This had just happened yesterday when Todo came over. Something told me he wasn’t going to be in the bedroom either, just like last time.

            Sure enough, there was no sign of him when I looked in the bedroom. I didn’t check any other rooms this time. He wasn’t home. Again, he had left me alone when he said he’d be home.

            “Shitty Usagi!” I yelled in frustration.

            All my worries about something serious being wrong had vanished. Relief didn’t come, but I got angry again instead. I was so furious that I didn’t even want to see him again. Not for a very long time.

            How could he do this to me again?!

            That asshole was the one who wanted to talk when I came home from work and he wasn’t even here! It was just as bad as the day before when he promised to be home to meet Todo. Why was he making promises and then not keeping them all of the sudden?

            He even ignored my phone call hours before! If he didn’t want to talk to me, then why the hell was he making such a big deal out of it this morning? Even if he had just missed the call because he had been in the bathroom or something, why didn’t he send me a text or something later?

            Nothing was making any sense!

            All the secrets, the lies, broken promises, miscommunications, the fights…

            It was all messing with my head.

            My blood was boiling as I heated up the leftovers in the fridge. Since stupid Usagi didn’t eat them today, then I was going to! I deserved it after all the shit he’d put me through lately.

            As I sat alone at the table to eat, I kept thinking about how mean this man I considered to be my lover had been to me recently. To think I even considered apologizing to him! No way in hell was I going to now!

            Rather than do the dishes like I said I would, I just added my dirty dishes to the pile in the sink and left them all there. I didn’t want to do anything for that man anymore. He could figure out how to cook and clean for himself again.

            I sat on the couch, seething mad, just thinking about what I was going to say to him when he got home. It would take hours to list off all the things that pissed me off and explain exactly why. Not that he would listen anyway, since all he cared about was himself.

            No. The best thing to do was ignore him some more. Let him think I was done with him completely and watch him squirm. Wait for him to get so desperate that he got down on his hands and knees and begged for forgiveness with tears in his eyes. And maybe I wouldn’t even forgive him.

            Cause, dammit, I didn’t deserve all this shit!

            After a while, the door finally opened. Rather than just sit there and give him the cold shoulder like I had planned, I stupidly jumped up. Before I could stop myself, I was rushing over to the door, ready to yell and scream. Hell, I was even ready to punch him if he pissed off some more.

            “Usagi-san, you bastard! What the hell –”

            I stopped dead when I realized that it was Aikawa-san standing in the doorway and not Usagi-san. Her hair was frazzled, eyes wide and glistening with tears. Her makeup was streaked all down her face, as if she had been crying a lot. She was heaving slightly and was out of breath.

            My heart sank deep into my stomach, making it churn once again.

            “A-Aikawa-san??” I choked out.

            “Misaki-kun.” Her voice sounded frail. “You need to come with me now.”

            “What’s going on?”

            She didn’t speak for what seemed like hours. Just stood there staring at me.

            “Sensei is in the hospital. There’s been an accident.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliché? Probably.  
> Do I give a shit? Nope.


End file.
